Eight Band Branded Music Games I'd Like To See

As a long time fan of the Guitar Hero/Rock Band franchises, I dutifully pre-ordered my copy of Guitar Hero: Metallica yesterday so I can be playing it as soon as possible. I love Metallica’s music, so I’m looking forward to what the demo presented as quite a compitent addition to the Guitar Hero series. Rock Band: The Beatles is also slated for release this year, and I’ll probably grab that too. Adding to the already published RB: AC/DC Live and GH: Aerosmith, it’s obvious that publishers have found a new, cheap and easy way of expanding their music titles (even though some may argue that the quality of a music release is often in it’s range of different musical tastes).

Band tie-in games are obviously an untapped gold mine for developers, and to prove my point, I give to you 8 band branded music games that I’m sure we’d all like to see:

Remarkably still rated T for Teen

Rock Band: Rammstein
This game’s popularity will spread like wildfire, which is suitable considering Rammstein only agree to the endorsement if the game is sold while on fire. For those who manage who get the game home before it is reduced to a puddle of melted plastic slag, the game’s in-depth character creation section allows you to make the most outlandish and bizarre stage costumes imaginable.

Despite this, Rammstein’s lead singer Till Lindemann still manages to show you up with his choice of clothes every performance the game re-enacts.

The game touts multi-lingual vocal recognition, which allows for singers to sing in either German or English and switch as many times as they like mid-song. The game doesn’t utilise any difficulty levels, only a “performance reality” slider, which basically increases the chance of your TV catching fire the higher it gets.

The King of Cool with Co-Op

Singstar: Dean Martin
Compiles the greatest hits of show and big bands for the player to sing. The lyrics and score sheet however are blurred out beyond recognition. Players must attempt to pitch-perfectly slur their way through each song, holding a martini, while also hitting on any attractive women in the audience. Multipliers are added to the player’s score for the number of traditional lyrics in a given song that can be replaced with references to being drunk and amourous.

In higher difficulty levels, songs may activate “bonus asides” where you must complete a rapid-fire verbal exchange with Jerry Lewis before continuing a song. True to the Rat Pack philosophy the game also supports “sit-in co-op”, where extra players can enter a song at any time as either Frank Sinatra or Sammy Davis Jnr., and leave just as quickly as they came if they so feel.

Strepsils Black! For those god damn, motherf*cking summer colds!

Rock Band: Dethklok
The most brutal band in the world brings all the resources from the world’s seventh largest economy to bear on this cross-platform release. In an effort to make computer games more “metal”, a sixth black fret is added to the traditional guitar controller, which is used while attempting to recreate solos performed by Skwisgaar Skwigelf. The chord progressions are so quick and complex that even long-time players eventually dislocate fingers in several places.

“Brutal” was singer Nathan Explosion’s only reaction to the string of health insurance claims.

A longer than normal guitar strap is also provided so that players can experience playing bass “Murderface style”. The game also ships with a limited edition pack of black Strepsils for anyone attempting the vocals. The game also contains it’s own SCM (or “Stops copies mes!”) embedded copyright software to deter would-be pirates.

Rumour has it that the Rock Band: Planet Piss expansion has suffered “unavoidable delays”.

Limited edition lunchbox, baby! Whee!

Guitar Hero: Ramones
Chronicles the rise and fall of America’s most popular early punk group. Players can take on the persona of any of the band’s members with their choice of t-shirt and jeans combination.

The games delivers more than 106 classic Ramones tracks, and yet despite this only takes around 26 minutes to complete. The game also does away with the traditional controller setup and assigns a whole chord to each fret, rather than a single note. In this way players can experience the “scaling difficulty” of the Ramones’ body of work, with the easiest songs containing only three chords and the hardest using all five chords the band knows.

Ships with a limited edition Ramones branded lunchbox to ensure quadruple platinum sales!

Because he rows like that!

Guitar Hero: Captain Dan and the Scurvy Crew
Activision has had a lot of different feedback ever since taking over the production reins for Guitar Hero 3. Some feedback has been positive, some has been negative, but throughout all feedback analysts noticed a recurring theme. There was a distinct lack of hip-hop pirates in the game.

Enter GH: Captain Dan, a game purpose built to encapsulate the big baroque bass beats and nerd-core lyrics of the winners of Time 100′s Only Rap Crew With Real Buccaneer Technique^{[citation needed]}: Captain Dan and the Scurvy Crew. The game can be thought of as a spiritual successor of both Guitar Hero and Sid Meier’s Pirates!. Players must compete in ship to ship combat against the British Navy while also “dropping phat rhymes every day of the week”. A seperate HUD element also keeps track of how much fuss the player is currently causing with their blunderbuss.

Be sure to use your Wii-mote strap to avoid television damage

Wii-Music: Nickelback
Given the band’s negative outlook on the Guitar Hero franchise, this game will be delivered as a Nintendo Wii exclusive addition to their motion sensing “Wii Music” game. Disappointingly for fans the game doesn’t actually cast the player in the role of any of the members of Nickelback, instead placing them in the audience of a Portugese Nickelback performance.

The game uses the advanced motion sensing capabilities of the Wii-mote to accurately measure the player’s ability to stop the band playing by successfully bottling lead singer Chad Kroeger. Players can select from a wide range of concert-ready missiles, all with their own weight and aerodynamic challenges.

Considering Nintendo’s traditional stance on violent video games, the game can also be put into “child friendly” mode where Kroeger is replaced by the Streets™ Paddle Pop Lion. Many test audiences played both versions and failed to notice the difference.

You'd sell your children to foreign buisnessmen for a copy

Rock Band: Blues Brothers Live!
This title was initially suggested after the success of Rock Band: AC/DC Live, but failed to gain as much attention despite the cult following. This was mostly due to issues with the game’s excess length.

The game places the player at the Blues Brothers’ performance at the Palace Hotel Ballroom where, surrounded by members of the Illinois law enforcement community, you have to perform a rendition of only two songs: “Everybody Needs Somebody to Love” and “Sweet Home Chicago“. Test players were keen to play through “Everybody Needs Sombody…“, and enjoyed the new harmonica peripheral.

However, “Sweet Home Chicago” stood at a whopping play time of two hours, fourty-six minutes and twenty-two seconds, around ninety percent of which is instrumental. This proved to be a feat that not even the most experienced player could muster the strength for, even after three orange whips.

People testing the demo in electronics stores around the country also had to put up with random members of the public adding puns to the game’s existing voice acting, and clapping every time a door is seen to close.

You better be giving him the creedence he deserves!

Rock Band: Spirit of Jazz
The blurb taken from the box:

“We all reach the point sometimes with our electronic instruments where we want to improve our play but can’t really be bothered to find the time. Well now you don’t have to. Rock Band: Spirit of Jazz realisticly simulates the experience of being crept up inside of like a warm kitten by the Spirit of Jazz. Become a multi-instrumentalist in minutes! The Spirit of Jazz has taught the best. He was inside Charlie Parker, inside Miles Davis, hell, he even got into Steve Davis, although that was an accident. Being worn like a glove has never been so entertaining or convenient. You’ll be up on the wall with Blind Bonnie Shortbread in no time.“

-RB: Spirit Of Jazz cover blurb

Preorders of this game include flammable, collapsable tophat.

We’ll post release dates when we get them, folks! Enjoy!
-Matt