New Nintendo controller patent application: #0004

This week’s controller patent is designed to simplify your life.  Let’s face it, life is complex enough when not only do you have to keep yourself in shape, but apparently your pets too.  You’re a young, hip Wii owner who needs something to help you with your busy, on-the-go gaming style.

Since the dawn of technology, human beings have been looking for a way to make their hands redundant.  For example, before the invention of the wheel it’s widely accepted ^{[citation needed]} that man walked on his hands, giving him terrible callouses.  Similarly, it’s known that a lot of human beings begin life deaf, but later chose to hear because sign language is such a terrible strain on the wrists.  Well in that vein, this controller extender means that you may never need your hands to talk again.

Model# ERU-014: The Wiimote Hands Fr-ii Headset

You can't actually see in Fig. 2, but dinner is on the stove just outside the image frame

The Wiimote Hands Fr-ii Headset sets the gaming-inclined buisness person at ease, by allowing them to deliver additional commands to their game using the power of voice.  Multi-tasking is so important these days, and not everybody has the time available to play all the games that they want.  To this end, the Hands Fr-ii Headset allows the gamer to play between one to four games at the same time, saving the precious minutes that otherwise wouldn’t be available to check the stock market.

The Hands Fr-ii Headset itself clips securely into the extender port of the Wiimote, and utilises an overhanging non-intrusive earpiece that fits snugly over the user’s ear (see Fig. 1).  After installing a new update to the Wii console’s firmware, players can then choose a combination of up to four games to play simultaneously using their voice.  The Wiimote controls help co-ordinate the action currently on screen, while the motion sensor is used to change the game that is currently on screen.  With a simple shake to the left or right, you can quickly flick between the games currently loaded.

While gaming, also feel free to use your Blackberry or equivalent device to give Stevens in accounts a motivational bollocking via email (see Fig. 2).

Luigi can't talk right now Mario, he's on the phone

Because simplistic games work the easiest with voice commands, the Wiimote Hands Fr-ii Headset comes bundled with a 40+ Classic Games disc, including games like Tetris, Space Invaders, Frogger, etc.  However, to coincide with the Hands Fr-ii’s release, you can also buy yourself an updated copy of Mario Kart Wii, now titled Mario Kart Wii: Cellphone Edition.  This updated edition allows you to drive all the regular courses included in the latest Mario Kart installment, but while playing you’re expected to keep a conversation going with your fellow drivers.  Periodically, you’ll be forced to swerve around unexpected groups of school children, or jump hard on the brakes when the Cloud Koopa reinstates the red light at the start line.

Players are rated not only on their track times, but also their reaction speeds to the various new obstacles.  Bystander fatalaties lower your score, and are muliplied by the number of whiplash insurance claims from your opponents.

The Wiimote Hands Fr-ii Headset is currently undergoing a licencing review, but we’re confident it will be released by the first quarter of 2010.

Note: This peripheral is Wii Vitality Sensor compatible

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