Armchair Diplomat

Pfft, hoverboards don't work on lava ... unless you got POWA!

BioWare announced the next DLC pack coming to Mass Effect 2 today, and after long weeks of speculation it looks as if we’ll finally be getting our hover-tank on.  The “Firewalker” content package will include five new missions for you to explore, all utilising your new hard-fightin’, hard-drinkin’ hovercraft.  According to the updated Cerberus Network page:

The Hammerhead is a heavy assault vehicle that hovers over the battlefield at up to 120 kilometers per hour and features a guided missile system ensuring accuracy even during aggressive maneuvering.

I’m not certain what kind of “aggressive maneuvering” the new content hopes to contain, but if I understand this correctly you could be doing doughnuts in a Seven-Eleven carpark and still blow up your target with this baby.  Heck, Sherpard could be sans-pantsing the local cops out the window at the same time if he wanted to.

This might, however, just be a way of reassuring owners of Mass Effect 1, for whom “aggressive maneuvering” could entail driving upward at an 85 degree angle while trying to swivel the Mako’s turret.

Whatever’s in store, the Firewalker pack is due out late March, and will be free to those with Cerberus Network subscriptions.  Nice.  Head on over to the Cerberus page for official info and some more pretty pictures.

The original Worms: was geometry ever more fun than this?

You read it right – Team 17 wants to give you worms.  Steamed worms.  It’s OK, even I’m facepalming at how unfunny that was and I’m going to  abandon that train of thought right … now.

There’s not a lot to go on at this stage but Martyn Brown from Team 17 (the company that brought us the original Worms titles dating back to 1994, as well as a bunch of other stuff I never played) has tweeted that there will be a new 2D Worms title being released on Steam in the near future.  All we’ve been given at this stage is a title, Worms Reloaded, and a promise of more details to come soon.  Unless you can find some secret code in his tweet that I can’t.

If memory serves me right this should lead to a great deal of mouse-sharing, obscenity-hurling fun.  More news (hopefully involving exploding sheep) as it comes to hand.

We're buying our way to victory, Mr. Bubbles!

One of several things I was impressed with on my initial playthrough of BioShock 2 was that 2K hadn’t lined up any release day downloadable content.  DLC has become somewhat of a necessary evil for developers, but nothing irks me more than seeing “bonus” gameplay packs available before you’ve even managed to wrestle the shrink wrap off a brand new title.  That’s not bonus content, that’s active customer gouging, and far too many games are guilty of it.

Well 2K have tipped their hand today to announce their first DLC package for the new BioShock installment.  What’s on the way?  Here’s some press release for you:

The single and multiplayer experiences of BioShock 2 will be enhanced with downloadable content that will add more glimpses into the award-winning world of Rapture. Downloadable content will be made available soon, beginning with the Sinclair Solutions Test Pack, available this March on Xbox LIVE Marketplace and Games for Windows–LIVE for 400 Microsoft Points and from the PlayStation Network for $4.99. Future expansions into the world of BioShock 2 are slated to arrive over the coming months and will continue to expand on the stories of the denizens of Rapture.

Sinclair Solutions Test Pack contains a number of customization features that will allow players to further their character’s development in BioShock 2’s multiplayer modes and provide a deeper multiplayer experience. The pack includes:

- Rank increase to level 50 with Rank Rewards
- New playable characters Louie McGraff and Oscar Calraca
- 20 new trials*
- A third weapon upgrade for each weapon
- Five additional masks*
*Some items are only available after a player achieves a rank of 41 or higher.

In the coming months, 2K Games will also be publishing downloadable extensions of the single player experience, providing new insight into the world of Rapture. These packages will include more narrative, new tools and new challenges that extend the lore and fiction of the failed Utopia under the sea.

So while the $5 price tag ain’t so bad, I really have to wonder: I’ve been playing the BioShock 2 multiplayer fairly constantly since I purchased it, and I’m only now tipping the edge of the currently capped level 40.  I mean the majority of us (excluding boosters of course, bless their hearts) have only just reached the level cap, is there really so much demand that it go higher already?  I haven’t even had time to feel superior to all those lowly level 36′ers yet.

What does concern me is that this, in theory, means that people who buy themselves the DLC will have a completely unfair advantage over all the vanilla retail players.  We won’t know exactly how the Sinclair Solutions Test Pack will effect the game’s balance until we find out the specifics of the upgrades, but this all seems a little stupid to me.  While they’re at it, they may as well package and sell the “BioShock 2 Multiplayer Anti-Freezing Patch” that allows you to play through more than two rounds without a console freeze.

Now there’s an unfair advantage I’d like to see.

Head on over to the 2K International site to check out the official PR.

Commander Keen, no doubt rushing to the 2010 GDC award ceremony

The organisers of the 2010 Game Developer’s Conference announced yesterday that John Carmack will be presented with a Lifetime Achievement Award at the 2010 Game Developers Choice Awards.

Carmack was the co-founder of iD Software and if you’re anything like me you’ll have been playing his games since you first sat in front of a PC.  His first big title was the Commander Keen series but it was Wolfenstein 3D and the Doom series that shot him and iD to prominence.

Carmack and former partner-in-crime John Romero are generally acknowledged as the fathers of the first person shooter genre, a title they confirmed when they knocked out a little game called Quake that wasn’t the least bit revolutionary or anything but people seemed to like it regardless.

The award will be presented in San Fransisco on March 11.  Previous recipients include the guy behind Civilization, the guy behind Mario, Donkey Kong and Zelda and the guy behind Sim City and The Sims.  So, y’know, a bunch of lightweights that nobody’s ever heard of.  Winners are chosen by a panel of gaming industry experts including representatives from EA, Bioware and Ubisoft.

Click here for the official release.

You lack motivation. You need to listen to this man, the man who motivates men.

In Leroy Smith’s words, and I quote:

In tenth grade, I beat out MJ for the last spot on our varsity basketball team, igniting a fire that inspired him to greatness. Since then I have motivized countless people with my inspirational DVD series and workshops. Now, with the launch of my revolutionary website, I’m finally able to motivate the world, including Canada.

Via his new website, full of “Leroy Smith Interactive Multimedia”, he guides you through the process of being motivated.

But, I digress. Leroy has produced a game that, in some people’s words, is the greatest video game ever made. And, considering my love for flash games, I’d tend to agree. His Leroy Smith’s 2 on 2 Hall of Fame Challenge (my vote for longest flash game title of the week award) is a faux 3D basketballer, reminiscent of NBA Jam or BasketBrawl.

Controls are simple, the game is quite fun, but it’s complex enough to keep some people entertained for hours.

Favourites are the crazy ass dunking that Leroy drops on you from time to time, cutting to an overlaid video of him yelling motivational obscenities at you. For example; he slaps the ball from you like the small child you are, leaps into the air from the three point line, and from a height of 60 feet, dunks you in a perfect 12,000 degree aerial pirouette, and then yells out “Butterscotch!”.

How, ladies and gents, can any game possibly counter that?

You need motivation. Head over to the official site and follow the link on the top of the page to play some awesome.

Such hunger that even a pie gives him wings

When it comes to indie games, there’s a rather mixed bag,
Of fabulous, so-so and unimaginably bad,
So when we heard of the game that we’re about to review,
We turned to a few trusted sources we knew,

It did look impressive, from all the screenshots on show,
But looks decieve easy, as all gamers know,
It’s a side-scrolling puzzler set in the silent movie days?
And conceived of by students, then co-opted by 2K?

But as the questions went out, friends were quick to reply,
And all answered back to say “Just give it a try!”
“Brilliant!”, “Thumbs up!”, “Original!” they cried,
So I forked out the points and set reservations aside,

The name of this game, in case you feel I’ve forgotten,
Is the Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom,
We take the role of a cad, a damn gluttonous thief,
Who’s penchant for pie stretches the realms of belief,

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OMG: Civ V is moving to a hex-grid!

Exciting news for strategy buffs and insomniacs – Civilization V is in development!

The fifth installation in Sid Meier’s legendary franchise is being developed by Firaxis Games.  This comes as no real surprise, given the company was founded by Meier and has worked on nothing other than Sid Meier games since it was formed in 1997.  But the press release made a big deal about it so I figure it’s important to someone.

Anywho, this installment is promising “more realistic gameplay and stunning organic landscapes”, leaders that will speak in their own language and “more exciting and intense” combat.  Community, modding and multiplayer elements will also be featured.  Here’s what the man himself has to say about the title:

Thankfully, ideas on how to bring new and fun experiences to Civ players never seem to stop flowing. From fully animated leaders and realistic landscapes, new combat tactics, expanded diplomacy and shared mods, we’re excited for players to see the new vision our team at Firaxis has brought to the series.

-Sid “I Was Your Childhood Hero” Meier

A Civilization game for Facebook is also in the works.  On principle I won’t play it, but I’m eagerly looking forward to clicking “ignore app” on the inevitable updates on other people’s progress.  Civilization V is scheduled for a spring (southern hemisphere) release, click here for the official site or here for the 2K Games press release.

It's like Fidel Castro in his Santa phase

There’s been a long running debate going through the community about the role of game demos.  One side (let’s call them “consumers”) are all for them, given that they allow a chance to try a game before opening their wallet.  The other side (tentatively labelled “most publishers”) usually see game demos as a threat, as they’d rather people purchase games first before discovering that they’re rubbish.

Well thankfully Haemimont Games had the forethought to offer a demo for Tropico 3, because if they hadn’t I probably would have missed this gem of a game.

Typically I’m not much of a fan of sim games.  In fact the last sim game I played and really loved was the original SimCity, where I cheated so often that my cashed-up utopia was frequently crushed by Godzilla.  But after countless hours of play, and several catchy calypso songs almost burned into my brain, I can honestly say that Tropico 3 has become one of my favourite games of all time.

The concept is quite simple.  In Tropico 3, you take the role of El Presidente, ruler of your very own Cold War banana republic.  In order to run a successful island you have to balance the happiness of your citizens with your financial and political ambitions.  Sound easy? Yeah, that’s what I thought too.

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It’s amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it, and don’t mind poking around inside your savegame.  YouTube user HarroSIN has managed to unlock the final DLC character from Mass Effect 2 for use in the suicide mission towards the end of the game, and has video’d the results for all to see.  Say hello to Kasumi … or her voice at least:

As you can see, it’s unlikely that Kasumi’s player model has been inserted into the game yet (she looks like a run-of-the-mill FemShep), but you can hear plenty of her voice-over work which is obviously just waiting to be activated inside the code.  Here’s HarroSIN’s notes on how this all works:

- She cannot be added to the party. If you attempt to do so, the game will remove her with a warning message but will still allow you to continue.

- After adding her to your squad, the Port Side Observation Deck will become available, although there is nothing currently present besides empty space (the outside of the level map).

- Being a tech expert, she can successfully navigate the pipeline during the suicide run. She can also be used to escort the remaining Normandy crew back to the ship.

- It is possible for her to die during the suicide run if you do not upgrade the Normandy’s armor.

Along with all that, this video also seems to confirm that Kasumi has trouble determining the difference between a military commander and an old Elvis Presley song, but who knows what dark secret in her history caused that.  So at this point, unless someone is very good with their shooping skills, I’d say we can double-dog confirm that Kasumi is our final character.  Now if BioWare would just stop acting so shady about it all!

Check out the original video (UPDATE: or don’t bother, EA has had it removed), and thanks to One Last Continue for the heads up!

When Matt said: ‘Hey, go look up rapping about probing for minerals in Mass Effect 2‘, I thought he was making some kind of hilarious reference to probing Uranus.

Oh, how I wish he was.

BEHOLD!

This is Kabuto the Python’s “Those Minerals”, a triumph of geekdom, rhyme and bobbling frog heads.  If you dig it, you can download it for free here.

You can thank me later. Or … maybe not.