RSI: The Boneitis of our time

This week’s Australian new release list is brought to you by RSI.  Remember kids, if you don’t play until you’ve got pins and needles you’re a fucking casual*!

Landing in an Australian game store near you this week are:

• Clash of the Titans (June 3, 360 / PS3)
• Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands (June 3, PC)
• Scene It? Twilight (June 3, Wii)
• Split/Second: Velocity (June 3, 360 / PS3 / PC)
• The Sims 3: Ambitions (June 3, PC)
• Alien Breed: Impact (June 4, PC)
• Backbreaker (June 4, 360 / PS3)

Seem’s Backbreaker‘s release date changed after we published last week and Game are now listing it as being available this Friday.  In other news, the Sucks To Be You trophy goes to Wii owners this week who get nothing new to play with other than a trivia game about sparkly vampires.  Hah hah!

* Public health announcement: Stu is not a medical practitioner and his opinions shouldn’t be listened to by anyone, ever.

Ahh, John Hillcoat. One of my very favourite directors. You know what he’s done? He’s gone and made a 30 minute movie out of Rockstar’s Red Dead Redemption. Using in-game mechanics (don’t cringe!), Hillcoat has created what looks like a condensation of the narrative of RDR.

It’s showing at midnight on Fox (I’m assuming in the US), with there being hopes that Rockstar will put it online shortly after.

Here’s the trailer. I’m mildly interested at how the King Of Bleak Surrounds* works in a hypercoloured frontier world.

We got skillz, yo. Ninja fightin' skills

This week’s Australian new release list is brought to you by realistic depictions of gamers in the media, a product so obviously fake that I can’t even keep up my regular charade long enough to finish this paragraph… so on with the releases!

Here’s what’s due out this week:

• Blur (May 26, 360 / PC / PS3)
• Alpha Protocol (May 27, 360 / PC / PS3)
• Backbreaker (May 27, 360 / PS3)
• No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle (May 27, Wii)
• Pure Football (May 27, 360 / PS3)
• UFC Undisputed 2010 (May 27, 360 / PS3)
• Project Runway (May 28, Wii)

Nothing for the 260? Not even ‘Lost: WTF Happened To The Polar Bear?’ Ripped off, man!

You can't look at this poster and not make chunky pants gravy

KABOOM YEAH, that picture just strikes awesome into every heart everywhere. Hollywood (or Bollywood…or Uwe Boll’he would) needs to make that damn movie. Dinosaurs and the Taliban? Nearly naked ladies? Men with BEARDS?  So true to life, so topical.

Speaking of epic, someone out there has made a Mega Man fan film. I’ve only watched the trailer and the first 20 mins or so of the actual film, but sweet Lords of Kobol, it’s impressive. The bots, the effects…it’s a great example of a huge pool of talent out there in the world that are ready to kill, usurp and replace the people currently working in the movie industry. It’ll be like some kind of World War, but in teal and orange tones. (Once you know this, you can’t ever unknow it!)

The guy who tipped me off about the Mega Man movie has quite the skill set himself! Michael Wszelaki (or @UnearthlyMike to his twitter friends) does animation, graphics and a whole heap of comics. He’s also made a game called Ultimate X, based on comics forum nerds. I highly recommend having a play (I did, during bouts of Robot Unicorn Attack). Double plus fun!

It seems boffins around the world have been getting clever again, much to my happiness. Some guy made a ‘workable’ BatPod and tried to sell it on eBay, reports NerdApproved. Sadly/safely/amusingly, it was sold without a chain because you would fucking die in a heroic and horrific manner if you even attempted to ride it. Turns out, you need to be a fictional character to control that bad boy.

The frame and all tubing were built from hardened steel and welded together for an unbelievable rendition of this famous vehicle. The covers and arm guards, which are formed with high tensile strength fiberglass, hide the actual engine which is a high output 650cc 4 stroke, water cooled engine with direct port nitrous injection delivering amazing power in a compact shell if it were ever needed. The front and rear tires measure 508 millimeters across and it is outfitted with grappling hooks, grenade launchers, and 50 caliber machine guns for those traffic jams on the freeway. (No… they don’t really work.) The pod has never been ridden on the street but has been tested in a controlled environment. This one-off custom would be the perfect addition for the collector who has it all, or for a museum piece that will draw a crowd like nothing else.

So will your fiery death! I’d buy a ticket to that for a dollar.

Bonus Round: The Parents I Wish I Had talk about ‘Meet The Rikers’ amongst other things.

The article title rhymes!

Let’s just get it out there: I’m not a puzzle gamer. They just shit me, I get frustrated and tend to start throwing things; keyboards, tantrums, etc.  But after picking up World of Goo as part of the Humble Indie pack, I’ve been secretly playing it whenever I can.

World of Goo is really quite good. The premise is simple: a bunch of goo balls need to get to the pipe leading to the next level. They can do this by building structures (bridges, towers) by joining to each other, and there’s different types of balls to play with (oh grow up!). Some are single-use: they can be placed in a structure, and that’s it. Others let you dismantle the structure at your whim, others stick to surfaces, others are like water and will ‘drip’.

It can be a bloody hard game at points. Unlike other bridge or structure building games, the goo balls have an amount of flexibility, so if the structure isn’t as strong as it needs to be, it will bend, flex and topple. And naturally, some levels have hazards that must be avoided: spikes, blades, and a range of other sharp pointy things. All of which will burst your goo balls, rendering your lovely bridge a little less structurally sound.

The difficulty of levels is a little inconsistent. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as the alternating challenge means you get to do simple, fun levels in between the incredibly tricky ones. There are also a good selection of challenges to overcome. Some focus on structural integrity, building a large bridge in as few ‘blobs’ as possible or building a huge tower that, if you don’t place your goo balls properly, will send your tower toppling over. Others require very little building, relying on timing and simple shapes to get through the level.

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Street dates? We don't need no stinking street dates!

According to one of our top reporters, at least one Melbourne inner-city JB Hi-Fi store has broken street date on Red Dead Redemption and is selling them as we speak.

The store in question, in case you’re intending to saddle up and ride there post-haste, is the JB Hi-Fi on LaTrobe St.  While this is the only store we’ve physically confirmed, the retail chain’s website would seem to suggest that every JB around the country should have it available.

In the usual manner, this has also opened the flood-gates for other retailers.  A quick call to my local EB Games confirms that Red Dead is also on sale there, although your chances of price-matching today will probably be slim.  GAME stores have also confirmed that they have broken street date, so you shouldn’t have much trouble grabbing your copy today.

Photographic proof on the way, but consider this rumour confirmed … at least in Victoria!

UPDATE: You can add Big W to the list too.  If you can convince any outlet to price-match, Big W’s price of $82 is probably the best on offer!

I can't believe this name was shouted down by the press club

Xbox Australia has officially announced today a new official partnership with Foxtel (one of Australia’s major pay-TV networks) to deliver pay-TV via the Xbox 360 console.  Officially.

The move comes mere days after Sony’s announcement that they will be providing their own Movies-on-Demand service (spanning all the major movie studios no less) for the PlayStation 3 later in 2010.

Microsoft’s announcement basically continues the two consoles conflict as to who can provide the better media hub.  Xbox already has it’s own pay-per-view movie streaming deal in Australia, while PlayStation owners freely get to make use of ABC’s wonderful iView catch-up program.  Packages for the new Foxtel partnership haven’t been announced yet, but the announcement confirms that you will need both an Xbox Live Gold subscription and a seperate Xbox Foxtel subscription to recieve the service.  So if you’re staunchly a Silver account holder, you’ll have to go Gold if you want your new pay-TV.  Pricing is also yet to be announced, but I for one would keep in mind that these are the people who’d ask you to pay 200 wooden nickels MS Points for a single music video.  Something to consider.

The new Xbox service is creatively titled “Foxtel by Xbox Live”, as if that was seriously the best name they could come up with.  Why not BoxTel? Or FoxBox Gold?  Anyway, if you’re interested you can head on over to the official announcement for full details and PR approved quotes.  The word “innovative” will probably be used in there somewhere.

Both 360 and PS3′s new entertainment offerings will be available later in 2010.

What IS the square-root of Lost Planet, anyway?

Harry Nilsson once famously sung “One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do”, and if you ever have the misfortune to play Lost Planet 2 singleplayer then you’ll discover all too well what he was singing about.

Yes, I’ve been having a mixed experience back on E.D.N III this week, homeworld to any number of warring humanoid factions and a wide variety of enormous deadly fauna.  Lost Planet 2 is the sequel to Lost Planet: Extreme Conditions, and features multiple protagonists from different backgrounds to tell it’s story.

What that story might be, who it pertains to and why we should be interested is a matter of debate at this point, as most of the game appears to be centred around not being squashed by a giant animal with glowing orange weak spots.  There were only a few chapters during the game’s campaign that seemed to book-end properly, and even then it was a little difficult to figure out who these people were or what they wanted to achieve other than survival.

But who cares, right?  This game isn’t about compelling characters or intriguing plot, it’s just about fighting sky-scraper tall beasts and living to tell the tale.

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Was it too obvious to go for a "Cowboy Near A Windmill" picture?

So I was at a Melbourne EB Games today, returning some unwanted purchases, and got to talking to the store’s manager about upcoming titles.  And of course when I say “got to talking”, I mean I was suffering the usual gauntlet of preorder requests, but I digress.

So Red Dead Redemption comes up, and I mention that I’ll probably be grabbing a copy this week (but not pre-ordering … no, seriously, I’m fine, I’m sure you’ll have plenty of copies, and I have plenty of t-shirts, yep, no problem there).

He then tells me that EB will most likely be breaking street date and selling the game tomorrow, May 20th, one day ahead of the official AU release date.  I’m not sure why he told me, be it my shining personality, trustworthy face or implied gulliblity, but I guess if you’re eagerly anticipating Rockstar’s grand-theft mailcoach (and don’t mind paying an inflated EB price for it) then it’ll be worthwhile checking your local store tomorrow.

Of course this is purely speculative, maybe he just wanted me to come back and spend more money tomorrow.  Just remember, as the gentleman told me, “don’t tell anyone I told you”.

Oh … wait …

… let alone a singer!  Warning, the following video contains toxic levels of awesome.  Viewer discretion is advised.