So Tony Hawk: Ride wasn’t really one of the most ground-breaking titles of 2009, and it’s new skateboard controller failed to win the hearts of many reviewers.  So a few enterprising lads from the UK Ireland decided to fix the questionable response times and add a whole heap of new realistic features to the board.  Like, well, a set of wheels for starters:

Sure, it might not be as expensive as the shreddable iPad, but full points to these guy for insisting that their board is fine for public area use considering it’s just an Xbox game.  Oh, and all those sweet tricks too!

Seen via Citizen Game, cheers boys!

I get the feeling the name was just to throw you off the scent last episode

Do you ever have those heavy gaming months? You know, those months that leave you feeling bloated, tired and irritable for no reason after spending extended amounts of time in front of your screen? The months where you’ll find yourself uncontrollably weeping at the worst scripted cut-scenes, wearing white pants as you scoff Malteasers off your pregnant friend?

Well with the exception of that last item (my pregnant friend won’t visit) it’s been one of those months for me, and with a great bevy of AAA titles to work my way through it’s taken me this long to get around to playing the newest installment of Telltale Games’ new Sam and Max series: The Tomb of Sammun-Mak.

And after I’d blown the dust off my neglected PC and fired up the new episode (coal-operated computer), I had to curse my own foolish procrastination.

Sam and Max: The Devil’s Playhouse – Episode 2: The Tomb of Sammun-Mak is probably the finest piece of work Telltale Games have created since Chariots of the Dogs last season, and really manages to capture what we all love in an adventure game: puzzles, puns and … is there a ‘p’ word for time-travel?  I’ll get back to you on that one.

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I’m a little bit excited. Found via Live For Films (and under discussion by every single gaming and film nerd in the world today) this Mortal Kombat short teaser was apparently directed by Kevin Tancharoen.  Let’s just say it’s a long way from his 2009 version of Fame.

There isn’t a lot of info available, the best source being straight from Jeri Ryan, the ex-Star Trek: Voyager actress who plays Sonya Blade.  She twittered this today:

“Okay, so…Mortal Kombat. It’s not a game trailer. Actually was made for the director to sell WB on his vision for a reimagined MK film. More MK FAQs: I did it as a favor to a friend. No idea yet what WB’s reaction to it was. And I’m not sure how you can contact WB…to push them to make it. But you guys are resourceful…! ”

Novelists with shotguns? Fuck yeah.

For he did not know, that beyond the lake he called home, lies a deeper, darker ocean green where waves are both wilder and more serene.  To it’s ports I’ve been.  To it’s ports I’ve been.

Gamers looking to play Remedy’s new action/thriller Alan Wake will do well to remember this little poem, heard in the very first chapter of the game, because by it’s own admission this is a game of many questions and few answers.

But there are surprisingly good explanations for those lack of answers.

Alan Wake bills itself as a “psychological action thriller” and if that sounds more like a movie genre than a game genre to you, well there’s good reason.  The story plays around Alan Wake, full-time famous novelist and part-time moody asshole, who is plagued by writer’s block and decides to retreat to the remote mountain town of Bright Falls with his wife Alice for some much needed private relaxation.  Before he even gets the chance at the customary holiday shag, Alan gets into an argument with Alice and decides to storm out of their cabin, returning moments later upon hearing her screams to see her plunging into a lake.  Alan dives in to save her … and wakes up a week later in a crashed car and no memory of what happened following his dive.

Bright Falls has also apparently taken a turn for the worst.  Sure it’s odd enough during daylight hours, but when the sun goes down a peculiar dark presence actively stalks Alan, taking control of helpless bystanders and turning them into shadowy killing machines.

Sounds spooky, huh? (more…)

Girls just wanna have fu-uuun, whoa girls just wanna have fuuuun

This update, I figured it was as good a time as any to do some shopping and let’s face it, the last few roundups have been all about the testosterone. GEEZ. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother pretending I’m a girl on the internet if I’m not going to back it up with HOT, PINK, FACTS.

I trawled through Etsy the other day and found some awesome things! Also, not so awesome things! Can you imagine the rictus grin I have on my face right now? It’s pretty awesome.

(If you’re not interested in the FACTS, I suggest you go play this fucking rad Zelda-as-FPS game. It will make your balls drop, your hair thicker and might just push you out of a moving car while doing a noodley air-guitar solo to the Best of Boston)

FACT: Girls Have Boobs

Pixelparty has quite the cache of pixelated products. I especially like the ‘High Score’ badge. Some would say it’s a gaming reference, others would allude to the idea that having sex with the wearer is akin to taking drugs, but I say it’s a great way of getting people to look at your boobs. Another cute way to draw attention to your decolletage is  is with one of these necklaces. (I actually do want the Geek one). They’re made from laser cut acrylic and well, who doesn’t like lasers? Losers, that’s who.

FACT: Girls Ruin Everything

What’s more boss than Chewbacca? Well, not much. The guy can tear the ears of a gundark. You know what can completely emasculate that towering example manliness? Featuring his hairy mug on a dainty plate! Surrounded by flowers, scalloped edges and hung on your wall next to that lovely wedding photo of your parents, Chewie is a wonderful addition to any home. There’s probably a fairly rock and roll tea cosy to go with it.

FACT: Girls Like Cute Things

Borderlands showed us that mutant dogthings could take you down when you weren’t looking. Those little bastards. But why hold that against them when they’re SO. DAMN. CUUUUUTE? Look at those little teeth! That sweet little multi-hinged jaws! I just want to cuddle the shit out of him! Ohh, and look at his little friend, homicidal, maniacal Purple Tentacle! It’s almost as if he wants you to squish him into oblivion.

FACT: Girls Like Jewellry

I didn’t play Heavy Rain, because I couldn’t identify with any of the characters! I really wanted there to be a hard working, hot but covering-it-up-behind-glasses grrrl, who solves crime while getting a sexy killer to change his ways and fall in love with her. Instead, we got Depressed Guy, Boring Girl and Fat Guy. The origami was pretty though. Now, you too can show your support for the sick kidnapping and eventual drowning murder of young boys with these delightful Origami Killer Earrings! It’ll go nicely with your beard, serial killer van and flasher jacket.

FACT: Star Wars Is Awesome

(I would like to add that I think everything I linked to is boneshakingly awesome. I would welcome any of that stuff as a present! Except perhaps the beard, truck and jacket combo.)

Asbestos Underpants: Baby, You Gonna Need 'Em

This week’s Australian new release list is brought to you by asbestos undergarments.  Sure, they itch like hell and and your reproductive organs will probably never work again, but you’ll appreciate them next time a suspiciously-Nazi-looking trooper points a flamethrower in your direction.

If your local video game store doesn’t stock asbestos undergarments then you should go down there this week and demand do know why!*  While you’re there, you can also expect to find the following new releases:

• Beat City (June 10, DS)
• Megaman Zero Collection (June 10, DS)
• Rock Band: Green Day (June 10, 360 / PS3 / Wii)
• World of Outlaws: Sprint Cars (June 10, 360 / PS3)
• Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands (June 11, PC)

Seems there was a bit more gun-jumping with the Prince of Persia release date for PC last week, Steam are listing it as available for download from the 11th though.

* It’ll probably be for the same reason they don’t have Battletoads in stock OMGZ OLD MEME FAIL!!!!1!!!!!1!

Mozart is about to breakdance in his grave

So for those of you who didn’t download and play the Rock Band: Green Day demo this past week, apart from showing impeccable taste in games you’ve managed to miss out on something of a teaser from Harmonix.

When players reached the most rewarding part of the demo, exiting, the screen you can see on the left appears after a few adverts.

The four traditional instrument icons are there (including the three mic logo which represented vocal harmonies in The Beatles: Rock Band), and seemed to have gained a new friend in the form of a keyboard logo.  Which you can probably take to mean that you need to find a new friend, and some more space in your lounge room, for a potential new plastic piano peripheral.

In my case, my lounge-room is full, so I’m not exactly sure how I’m feeling about this idea.  For those of you with normal sized houses, however, I’m sure the idea of rocking your own Amadeus is intriguing.

The one thing it has left me wondering is how this will work for the Xbox 360.  If indeed there is a new instrument to add to the collection, where on my (blessedly green) Ring of Light’s four controller ports is it supposed to sign in?  Or are we to assume that the inclusion of a pianist will come at the cost of a bassist?  No such issues for the PS3, who’s controller limit is a yet untouched 7, but this might also mean that the piano logo isn’t meant to be taken literally.

Whatever the case, we’ll have to wait to hear Harmonix’s official word on this one.  In the meantime, here’s the trailer for Activision’s latest installment in the Guitar Hero series: Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock.

I’ll give Activision this much, at least this is the first GH title they’ve released for 2010, and it looks like they might genuinely be trying to give the game a theme too.  With tracks confirmed from Children of Bodom, Slipknot, Rammstein and everyone’s favourite Dethklok, it seems Warriors of Rock will be trying to recapture the rock/metal-centric attitude of GH3.  I guess we’ve just got to wait until September 20th to find out if that Rock God and Devil bullshit creeps back in.

Oh, and Rock Band: Green Day is due out this week in case you care.  Yeah, I know, me neither.

You probably can’t read about games today without seeing this particular gem.  In lieu of holding a Portal 2 press event at E3 this year, Valve have declared that they will be presenting a ‘surprise’.

The inital wild speculation over potential announcements like Half-Life 2: Episode 3 (or even just Half-Life 3 itself) have only been intensified by the unexpected appearance of a teaser poster on the Steam Facebook group.  Now, we can’t confirm the source on this, but it looks official.  Take a look:

Now, once again, this is pure speculation until we can get confirmation from Valve themselves, so keep your enthusiasm under control!

We’ll let you know as this story unfolds…

And Why Did You Choose To Depict It In A Videogame Form That Everyone Could See?

Promising an odd little mix of Dungeon Keeper and Overlord, and a name who’s length can only be overshadowed by it’s predecessor, it was difficult not to be intrigued by What Did I Do To Deserve This, My Lord!? 2.  The game is primarily a strategy title, although to sum it up so succinctly wouldn’t be doing justice to what is simultaneously a highly entertaining, yet deliciously frustrating game.

Wielding a giant, hovering pick-ax, the player is given the role of the Lord of Destruction, summoned by the evil lord Badman to protect him from constant hero invasion.  To this end you’ll have to carve out an ever expanding dungeon and populate it with monsters to hold the heroes at bay.

Each level gives the player a certain amount of Dig power, which equates to the amount of blocks that can be destroyed.  Digging is essentially your only power, used for everything from sculpting your dungeon to creating new monsters, so keeping an eye on your power gauge becomes essential for progression through the levels.  If your Dig Power runs out, you’re effectively crippled.  A certain amount of your Dig power will be restored at the end of each round, depending on how well you perform against the invading heroes.

It all sounds so simple condensed into a two paragraph description, by My Lord!? 2 actually has quite the daunting learning curve.  This game has no less than twelve tutorial scenarios, and they are just there to cover the basics.  To perfect both your understanding of the dungeon’s workings and effective defense strategies will take you hours of trial and error, at which point you’ll probably still feel out of your depth.

This is because to succeed at My Lord!? 2 takes a certain amount of cunning, a certain level of strategy and then the kind of luck that only a horseshoe’d leprechaun covered in bird crap could possibly possess.

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Two barrells of fun, coming right up!

In the unlikely event that Red Dead Redemption doesn’t pick up any Game Of The Year awards, then it must be a shoe-in for the Most Anticipated Title of 2010.

Before I kick this review off, I’d like to tell you about the craziness that was release day here in Australia.  To begin with, five of around seven major games retailers broke street date a day early, much to the delight of gamers country-wide.  When I went to pick up a copy at around 11AM, the Big W store I visited hadn’t even had time to shelve the game’s boxes, and had sold over half their stock just over the service counter.  Leaving the store, the 50-something gentlemen who validated my parking smiled when he saw my copy of the game and pulled out a copy from under his booth’s desk.  As he explained it: “My son wanted me to bring him home a copy, but I think he’ll have to wait until I’m done with it”.

Rockstar must truly be the kings of the hype machine.  Unsuspecting console gamers (who didn’t even know they liked Westerns) have been either playing this game recently, or broke.  They were apparently the only two options on hand.

So then, for a title that everyone simply must have, how is Red Dead Redemption once the hype wears off?

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