Tier 1: Here Be Hirsuitism

While I’m thoroughly sick of first-person shooters constantly returning to World War 2 for inspiration, I have to admit to feeling slightly hesitant when EA first announced they would be rebooting their Medal of Honor series and setting the first new installment in the modern day War On Terror.  After all, you only have to look at the still-definitely-being-released-oh-my-yes Six Days in Fallujah by Atomic Games to gauge the public sentiment about creating games set in current military campaigns.  What I can appreciate, however, is the gargantuan pair of cojones it must have taken both the developer and publisher to say “fuck it” and run with the idea anyway.

The new Medal of Hono(u)r represents EA’s first attempt to wrestle back it’s share of the modern shooter genre, a genre that Activision is still managing to dominate with Call of Duty.  Obviously not wanting to leave anything to chance, they split the game’s development in two, giving the single player to in-house studio Danger Close and entrusting the all-important multiplayer to it’s DICE studio, creators of the addictive Battlefield series.

The fact that EA split the game in two just to allow a “proven” studio to handle the online component should already tell you where the real focus of the game is going to be.  But being a traditional type of lad, I’ll begin with the single player.

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"I don't need to be on multiple platforms! I'm RICH, BIATCH!"

This week’s new releases list is brought to you by Acme Co Crystal Balls.  Acme Co Crystal Balls can be used to accurately predict anything* that’s going to happen in the future.  Want to know if the UIEGA will be repealed?  Want to know if Poker Night at the Inventory will ever be released?  Consult a crystal ball.  Want to know if Richmond will win the AFL premiership next season?  Consult a crystal ball.  Actually… you probably don’t need the ball for that last one**.

Still.  Crystal balls.  They’re handy to have – just don’t go communing with evil lords kids, because no matter what they say they don’t share power.

We’ve consulted our crystal ball, as well of a range of other sources, to bring you this list of titles that, on balance, in the fullness of time, will probably be on a game store shelf near you this week:

• Fable III (October 26, 360 / PC)
• Rock Band 3 (some time this week, probably, 360 / PS3 / Wii)
• Shank (October 26, PC)
• Deathspank (October 26, PC)
• Star Wars: The Force Unleashed II (October 27, 360 / PS3)
• The Ball (October 27, PC)
• BlazBlue: Continuum Shift (October 28, maybe, PS3)
• Bloody Good Time (October 28, PC)

Fable III takes this week’s “Dear gawd I hope they spent some money on the endgame this time around” Award, while Deathspank takes the prize for longest inexplicable between-platform release gap.  Happy gaming and see you all next week.

* Except the accurate release dates of video games in Australia which, if we’re honest, nobody has any clue about.  But it’s OK because y’all only read these articles for the jokes, right?

** Because it’s a lock, amirite?

F1:2010 - fans have been waiting years, has it been worth it?

November 3, 2008.  4:30am AEST.  My beloved fiancé is woken by muffled shouts of “Yes, yes, yes… what?!?  Oh you fucker!!!!  No!  No!!!  Eat shit and die Glock you incompetent twat!  Fuck!!!!”

Why begin this review with such a display of rampant retrospective profanity, I hear you ask?  It’s all in the name of context.

Y’see, the above was my reaction to the moment that decided the 2008 Formula 1 driver’s championship.  Ferrari’s Felipe Massa started his home race in Brazil, the final race of the season, seven points behind McLaren’s cocky young upstart Lewis Hamilton.  To win the championship Massa would have to win the race and have Hamilton finish outside the top five.  You’re right in thinking it was a long shot but Massa had pulled it off – he dominated the race, finished in first a full 13 seconds ahead of his nearest rival with Hamilton in sixth.  Until the very last corner, that is, when Toyota’s Timo Glock let Hamilton past to take fifth and victory in the championship by a single point.

The animated gif that’s probably still getting around of Massa’s father celebrating in the Ferrari garage, only to have a mechanic tap him on the shoulder and deliver the bad news, is both hilarious and heart breaking.

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YEAH, WOO, ROCKIN' OUT!

This week’s new release list is brought to you by the new LOL SuckIt! range of five-sided coins, being released this week to coincide with the launch of Rock Band 3.

The coins have been specially minted in anticipation of a dilemma they think many gamers will face when playing a group session of Rock Band 3 – who has to be the fucking keyboard player.  Even gamers know that when it comes to having a cool instrument, keyboard players rate somewhere between bassists and the clarinet player.  Yes, it really is that bad.  Here’s some other fun facts about keyboard players that you might not have already known:

• Keyboard players get 92.7% less groupies than players of any other instrument.  Only wobble board players rate lower.
• If a keyboard player solos in the woods and nobody hears it, everybody’s happier.
• A keyboard player can spend his entire life practicing to be better than Jordan Rudess, achieve his goal and still be a loser.  True story bro.
• The original title of “Mama Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys” was “Mama Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Keyboard Players”.

So with all this in mind, LOL SuckIt! have released their five-sided coin to fairly and equitably settle all keyboard-player-related disputes.  Play fair y’all!

Rock Band 3 isn’t the only biggish title due out this week, by the way.  Here’s what you can expect to see on shelves:

• DJ Hero 2 (October 20, 360)
• Fallout: New Vegas (October 21, 360 / PC / PS3)
• Professor Layton and the Lost Future (October 21, DS)
• Rock Band 3 (October 28, 360 / PS3 / Wii)
• Vanquish (October 21, 360 / PS3)

This was Guillermo's favourite dog

While we could be fooled into thinking the above quote was in response to pretty much everything that’s been said about video games by Australian politicians in the past two years, Oscar-nominated director and all round Pretty Cool Guy Guillermo del Toro actually said the above in defense of video games as an art form:

Video games are an art form and anyone saying differently is a little out of touch because they are a narrative art form

He continues, stating that he’s a big fan of titles such as Halo and Shadow of the Colossus.  We’ll choose to ignore the fact that he’s justified his opinion by saying ‘it’s an art form because it’s an art form’, ignore the fact that his comments are likely prompted by his upcoming but so far mysterious involvement with THQ and instead focus on the important message: people who don’t like video games are dumb-dumbs because a cool rich guy with a beard said so.  Brilliant!

Full story on 1Up, and selected other quotes from the actual Q&A session over at the Portland Mercury.

This week’s Australian new releases are brought to you by last night’s rigger of Bengal Bitter.  Kiwis, I love you and your beer.

Here’s the stuff that should be on shelves this week.  I say “should”, because John Daly’s Prostroke from last week failed to eventuate.  The title is expected on our shores on the 21st now … maybe.

• Arcania – Gothic 4 (October 12, PC)
• Cities XL 2011 (October 14, PC)
• Medal of Honour (October 14, 360 / PC / PS3)
• Lost Planet 2 (October 15, PC)

I’ll be posting from back in Australia next week, happy gaming until then!

Of course, the most important part of any home run:

Anyone will tell you that I’m a fan of baseball.  Babe Ruth, Joe DiMaggio and the pre-juice Barry Bonds: these are names I know well and careers I greatly enjoyed following.  Thus, it seems like a no-brainer that when a baseball game came out that I would jump at the chance to play it … but that’s not exactly how this game came to be in my possession.  For you to truly understand, I have to take you back on a trip through time and space: The year is 1998 and the place is my parents’ lounge room.  There, a young Moose is putting in a cartridge into his N64 that would forever change his life and bring out the horrifying OCD side of his gaming: Major League Baseball Featuring Ken Griffey Jr.  The moment I turned the console on and that baseball came flying at me, I was hooked.  I spent hours upon hours slogging through regular season mode, game after game to make my way to the World Series.  This game was heaven.  I played my way through the season mode 3 times; a painful exercise for even the most die-hard fan.  This was the best of times and it was the blurst of times.  The game made me so happy; however, it raised the bar to a level that (apparently) no other baseball game could live up to … until now.

A short while back the Armchair team went to an Xbox event held at the State Library in Melbourne with the express intent of making the building explode with irony.  Once there, Matt and I sat down to one of the few games that had an available console: The Bigs 2. I sat down, safe in the knowledge that Matt was only playing this game to humour me and because there were no other free games.  Then the strangest thing occurred: we got into it.  There was yelling; there was shouting; and most of all there was enjoyment.  But I was wise.  I had been burned before.  So I played it cool, unsure of whether or not this game was actually the real deal.  So when I finally acquired my own copy, with much trepidation, I sat down and prepared to let myself love again.

OK, so love is a strong word, but I opened myself up to the thought of holding someone other than Ken Griffey Jr in my arms.

Actually, now that I think about it, that wasn’t even close to being better.

Uhhh … on to the review: (more…)

Are you a bad enough dude to battle the Flood?

The past twenty years has seen video games and the oft referred “geek culture” rise to a prominence that back in 1992 would never have been imagined, not even by the most fanatical zealot of electronic entertainment. Humble were the formative years of my gaming fascination, playing Super Mario Bros. at my friend’s house, whose parents spoiled him like milk in the sun. And then there were the many Sunday afternoons endlessly slaving over the greasy NES controller battling awful controls and hideous game mechanics for a measly 8 bit food pellet at the games completion. I’m sure I’m not the only one with fond memories of wasted weekends in willing servitude of these simple plastic game machines, and I bet none of us would change a thing. I can still remember playing Streets Of Rage 2 well into the night on my friends Megadrive, then swapping it over for my Super Nintendo to play the centipede boss in The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past; all the while munching on popcorn and coffee beans (yes, we were strange).

I remember the magical awe I felt after we spent way too much money hiring a Japanese copy of Street Fighter 2 for SNES, playing against Balrog… or was it Vega? Who can remember, with the names being arbitrarily changed for the western market? Back in my hometown of Perth there was a store called Discount Video Games; I remember it was run by a middle aged super nerd in the front room of his house. The retailer specialised in imports, and rare and expensive games and consoles (Neo Geo anyone?). There was a demand from the obsessive; an unending desire for parity between arcade and the home console arena. Neo Geo was SNK’s answer; game cartridges the size of an ancient tome of knowledge with large digits identifying the (by the standards of the time) massive amount of memory in the plastic case, which as we all know reflects with pristine clarity the quality of the game. The carts were absurdly priced, as if by a madman with the crazy idea that there was a dollar per megabit system in place. (more…)

This week’s Australian new release list is brought to you by a numb feeling in my buttocks and mild pain in my wrists.  That’s right people: Codemasters weren’t kidding when they said they’d let you have full-length races in F1: 2010.  Review coming as soon as I can tear myself away from the game itself.

If you’re not an F1 nerd like me, however, you’ll probably be looking for something else to occupy your time.  You’ll find the following new games on shelves, real or virtual, this week:

• Enslaved: Odyssey To The West (October 7, 360 / PS3)
• Wii Party (October 7, Wii)
• Ghost Recon:Predator (October 7, PSP)
• John Daly’s Prostroke (October 7, PS3/360/PC)
• Front Mission Evolved (October 8, PC)
• WRC FIA World Championship (October 8, PS3)
• Sid Meier’s Pirates (October 8, PS3/360/Wii/PC/Mac/GameBoy/Atari/Calecovision/Sega Saturn …)

The Medal of Honor open beta also drops tomorrow for PC.  Happy gaming until next week, when I’ll be updating you from the other side of the ditch in Kiwiland.