Armchair Diplomat

Announced in the hush of early morning here in Oz, but broadcast loudly to the lands of the awake is the oft-discussed news of Portal 2’s release! Set for October 26 in the USA, it’s been a weird ride just getting to this point.

Layer upon layer of clues have been left over the last 6 months or so, but it all started jumping again with a patch that altered the ending of the original game, which came out on March 3 from Steam.

Good to know Chelle assumes the ‘Party Escort Submission Position’, because who knows how awkward that could be if she opened up a portal in whatever freaky robot drone just started dragging her off. After the patch, came the press release:

Valve, creators of best-selling game franchises (such as Left 4 Dead, Counter-Strike and Half-Life) and leading technologies (such as Steam and Source), today announced Portal 2 for shipment this coming holiday season.

Portal 2 is the sequel to 2007’s Portal, which won 70 industry achievement awards.

Randomly underlined things! Which spell out… dreattmannh0nee.

Then there are the bizarre ASCII files and clues which can be found over at Kotaku. There was some seriously hard work done to just get and decode this information, which includes pictures of GLaDOS and what looks like still shots from inside Aperture Science. If you scroll to the bottom of the page, some clever cookie has provided some deciphering. There’s also some interesting tidbits from Aperture Science’s founder Cave Johnson. My favourite?

“…remind you that Aperture Science is built on three pillars. Pillar one: Science without results is just witchcraft. Pillar two: Get results or you’re fired. Pillar three: if you suspect a coworker of bin’ a witch, report them immediately. I cannot stress that enough. Witchcraft will not be tolerated.”

And then there’s the April cover of GameInformer. I feel like I should be saying ‘Good news everyone!’, but we never did discover if the cake was indeed a lie. Also, that looks suspiciously like a reformed GLaDOS…

WITCHCRAFT!

When Matt said: ‘Hey, go look up rapping about probing for minerals in Mass Effect 2‘, I thought he was making some kind of hilarious reference to probing Uranus.

Oh, how I wish he was.

BEHOLD!

This is Kabuto the Python’s “Those Minerals”, a triumph of geekdom, rhyme and bobbling frog heads.  If you dig it, you can download it for free here.

You can thank me later. Or … maybe not.

It's time to smell like the future!

You know that bit in ST:The Next Generation, where a female Klingon in heat appears on the bridge of the Enterprise, and Worf is all like “Noes, my primal urges!” and Geordi asks “Worf? Is this your idea of sex?” and Worf yells, in the most plaintive ‘I touch myself at night’ voice ever “THIS IS SEX!”

He was wrong.

Sex is now defined by the type of Star Trek cologne that you wear. Whether you’re speaking slowly and haltingly as you fumble with the bra of a green skinned beauty or you’re tossing logic and your uniform to the winds in the throes of passion, there is a scent for you.

Tiberius - For those with a cavalier attitude to diplomacy and a winning smile, this is the cologne for you. “Citron zest, black pepper and cedar create refreshingly clear top notes, layered over a wooded, spicy scent.” It’s quite possible all that slashfic about Kirk and Spock stemmed from one raised eyebrow at the scent of Tiberius wafting through the bridge.

Red Shirt – For when you’re just dying to wear something eye catching. Be a target for attention, and certain death, with this deliciously foolhardy scent.  A combination of “green mandarin, bergamot and hints of lavender…with base notes of leather and grey musk” this could be your ticket to love, adventure and promotion! I mean, bridge crew wear red shirts now. Really!

Pon Farr – For the ladies, and those few others who identify with being calm, logical and infinitely superior intellects, there is this fascinating scent. “Light top notes of citrus, blackcurrant, water lily and lotus blossom are complemented by base notes of sandalwood, peach and mulberry.” Definitely something to hint at in your next mind meld with your significant other. Who knows, maybe you too will be able to come to a mutually beneficial arrangement wherein the you can express your unending commitment to the principles of the union. (I bags Tuvok.)

Limited Edition: KHAAANN! – What can I say about this one? Guaranteed to make your yells of pleasure defy the laws of space? So heady, the urge to bear your chest in manly displays will be nigh on impossible to resist? So powerful, you’ll need to destroy an entire planet just to get the smell from your imagination? I’d talk about what’s in it (ambergris!) but who gives a shit what it smells like, JUST GET IT. Don’t make me kill your only son (that you know about).

I eagerly await the release of Riker - a gutpunching hit of well-groomed, balls-to-the-face manliness; Neelix - a slightly fruity scent with an undertone of pedophilia; and Chekov – cute accents with an explosive tactical advantage over the opposite sex.

Available here at Genki Wear

Dystopian underwater hell-cities have never been so much fun!

It’s probably no surprise to most that Bioshock is included in our Top Games of the Decade. The creators, 2K Games,  managed to combine great gameplay, a menacing score and a high concept world into an epic gaming experience. It was a FPS that had an RPG story, with survival and puzzle elements. But most of all, it’s engaging plot was what kept us hooked.

It was probably the first time Ayn Rand was used as an inspiration for game storyline. Ryan, one of the many antagonists, believed in the intelligence and excellence of the individual, the stand alone genius, which should not be hampered by morals or laws imposed on them by a government. He created a city under the sea, Rapture, to bring together the brilliant minds that would thrive in an isolated utopia, as if Rand’s Atlas Shrugged was a reality in this alternate 1960. These great minds grew, bloomed and went wild, destroying their home with their madness and lack of control. There was obsessive-compulsive plastic surgeon that believed he was in direct contact with Aphrodite. A genetic scientist, indiscriminately creating the Little Sisters in an attempt to harvest what she needs to continue her work. The tragic artist, self obsessed and paranoid. And then Ryan himself, the glorious leader, challenged only by the uprising of the people, lead by ‘Atlas’ who will shrug as many times as possible to bring Rapture to it’s knees.

In my country, a Splice is an ice-cream ...

Along with an immersive storyline, Bioshock boasted a stunning art style for its environments, completely ruined. The city itself is never seen in it’s hey-day, instead Rapture is torn apart by rebellion, by faulty engineering, by madness. Even from the beginning, when you break the surface of the sea after your plane crashes and you see the lighthouse, it’s noticably damaged. Rapture’s slow decent is mirrored in it’s citzens; so many are scarred and sinister, destroying themselves from within with ADAM and constant body modification. The designers managed to create something both beautiful and ugly, with the Art Deco architecture evoking the power and wealth of the Modern Industrial movement and all the degredation of a society falling to ruin. Coupled with the architectural logic applied to a city built on the bottom of the ocean, it was great to play through. Almost distracting.

Another, more personal note, was the idea that 2K wanted people who hadn’t played an FPS before to play Bioshock. Of the three difficulty options available, the first was ‘Easy – for people who’ve never played an FPS’. Instant win! And although a lot of the game relies on your ability to shoot accurately – this is survivalist gameplay after all, you’re encouraged to conserve ammunition – it wasn’t the main objective.

Bioshock proved that a pithy, intellectual and mature plot still means something when constructing a game. It scored points with us because of it’s all encompassing storyline and it’s beautiful world, even with the blood and guts. And really, who doesn’t like a dystopian underwater world run by an Egoist madman?

Now, would you kindly stop reading this article and steel yourself for number three in the countdown?

An inkblot teaser. Scrawled below is "The nightmare is over but it will not end!"

News from the world of Electronic Arts, Visceral Games has confirmed that they are producing Dead Space 2!

“We’re thrilled to jump back into the series, making the next chapter in Isaac’s journey. The infection continues to spread throughout space and our hero Isaac Clarke is the only person able to contain it. There are still loads of necromorphs that need killing!” said Steve Papoutsis, Executive Producer of Dead Space 2. “In Dead Space 2, not everything is exactly as it seems. Expect plot twists that will surprise you and a huge cast of twisted, disgusting monsters that are sure to scare the daylights out of you.”

-Steve Papoutis, specifying it won’t be the ‘living’ daylights

I’ll be honest with you, I’m not 100% sure where they will be going with plot. The thing I liked about Dead Space was the idea that it was a contained, almost claustrophobic feeling while you’re running from a huge dead thing. I don’t know if it will be as scary in a broader environment.

The press release is here, at EA Press. You can also follow the fun on twitter http://twitter.com/deadspace

Not even space pirates were prepared

Here’s one reported by the BBC last night: Microsoft have banned close to 1 million Xbox Live users in the last 24 hours, all of whom apparently had chipped or modified consoles and have been playing pirated games:

Microsoft told BBC News that banned machines will be permanently barred and “unable to connect to Xbox Live”.

A message displayed on affected consoles said there was “no recourse for terms of use violations”.  Microsoft has barred as many as 1m gamers from Xbox live for modifying their consoles to play pirated games.

“Users of banned Xbox consoles can recover their profile to another, unmodified Xbox 360 console to resume their Live service,” the firm told BBC News. “The banned console will be unable to connect to Xbox Live.”

However, modified consoles will still work offline.

This is apparently an on going plan to stamp out games piracy, although noise has been made that it was to curb the pirating of Modern Warfare 2. One gamer’s response to being cut off is here, though to be honest it smacks of false witness journalism, so take it with a grain of salt.

The full BBC article is here.  Anyone outraged by this should note that somebody already made the angry Hitler version of events, so you don’t need to make another one.

Ice-T models the MW2 night vision goggles

You want to know why?  It’s because of this awesome picture on the left right here.

That’s right. Ice-T has Modern Warfare 2: Prestige Edition. The game – encased in carbonite a spiffy metal box – also comes with a hardcover art book, a plastic bust of one of the game’s characters and working night vision goggles. The goggles  run on 5 (thousand) AA batteries and apparently actually work, though they do limit your depth perception.  So it’s suggested you don’t go running up and down stairs.  Or something.

Costing $149 (USD of course), it’s one of those decisions you have to make every now and then. Do I want to sneak around at night looking badass? Or should I just stick to playing games the usual way?

You decide!  (Ice-T obviously chose the boss option)

Australian newspaper The Age has published an online article concerning Modern Warfare 2, as you’d expect with the ire rising about the graphic “No Russian” airport scene.

While the article itself is an interesting read on one man/father/gamer’s view on the game, the comments themselves are what interested me. The following one by Gary of Eastwood especially:

The advantage of once being a soldier going overseas to Iraq (1991) and playing combat games is the discovery of how benign they are. It’s a sexy topic ripe for PhD’s and a contradiction to raise the gamer-nasties issue. If the effects are as horrible as feared we would be living in a state of anarchy. People are challenged and effected by games. Yet, how is it that we expose people to actual war with its killing, maiming, dying and mental health disruption and yet not be as loudly concerned about its damaging effects in in competition with the hypocritical amount of time, effort, reports, moral outrage and media attention that is given to silly games. I don’t play them only because I’m useless at them. They are as harmless as other games where killing is disguised. Books, films, stories (even music, who are these crackpots?), documentaries and news, feed the brain content and distill effects. What are the actual effects? Can there be only one kind of effect? No, I don’t think so. I think there is a ever expanding spectrum of effect that comes down to choice. Playing couch combat games as opposed to being a soldier holding a rifle, wearing heavy body armour, with webbing, pack, 50 degree heat, hunger, thirst, exhaustion, dirt, basic hygiene, chronic indecision, sick, tired and dead refugees, a lot of fear, trembling and anger, isolation, disturbing experiences and occasional moments of inappropriate and manic euphoria. So relax and have a your latte. These games are meaningless. All I ever hear about is the damaging effect of ‘games’ whilst the world is filled with real nasty wars with people who’ve never played couch combat games who would kill you for 50 cents.

-Gary | Eastwood – November 11, 2009

This is the kind of insight people need into violent/war-themed games, in my opinion.

Read the full article here.

Released sometime in the last 24 hours is this preview clip for the upcoming Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time movie from Disney.

I think I made ‘Uh-UH!’ thrusting movements three times while watching it. Innappropriate? Perhaps. But there’s enough of that delightful Disney brand innuendo to justify it. Maybe. Or maybe it was Jake Gyllenhaal with bad hair and tight pants. Who can tell at this late hour.

Watch, puny mortals, and see if you can pick who the Empress of Time is! (Hint: It’s the girl)

After watching one of the old trailers for the game, they are not all that dissimilar. It’s got the acrobatics, an amalgam of the outfits the Prince wears and a girl urging him to hurry. I don’t have high expectations but it couldn’t be worse than Far Cry, could it?

The movie is due for release May 26th 2010.

As seen in a post by the amazing Kevin over at grinding.be, here is a video from the delightful people at the User Interface Software and Technology (UIST) conference (check out their YouTube channel for more awesomeness!).

University of Washington student, T. Scott Sponas, has created a muscle to computer interface which (among other wonderful things, like possibly mapping ASL/sign language) will allow you to play Guitar Hero without a guitar.

I wanted someone to break out into a ‘Deeledeeleedeeleee Wyld Stallyns!’ at some point there. If you go and skip ahead to 00:56 seconds you’ll see the magic, but I highly recommend watching the whole movie.

Notice the bad-ass monitors they had to strap onto the guy’s arm just to show this off, too.  Not exactly plug-and-play enabled, to say the very least.