Johnson the albino merc gets a bad feeling...

Our regular readers will all know by now what a giant Mass Effect fanboy I am.  Despite that, I’ve found most of the game’s recent DLC packs a tad underwhelming.  What then can Lair of the Shadow Broker, the latest add-on for Mass Effect 2, offer us?

The story begins, as usual, with a message from Charlie / the Illusive Man.  Somehow he’s managed to find information that could lead someone to the Shadow Broker, and there’s no someone in the galaxy more interested in finding him than your old teammate Liara T’Soni.  So you trot off to Illium to share the news with her and thus begins another merry adventure complete with mercenary battles, hostage negotiations and lightning rods.  That’s right – fucking lightning rods, kids. (more…)

Overlord is watching. He knows all your secrets.

I can’t help myself: I’m going to begin this review with a complaint.  Please bear with me.

I guess I can understand why Microsoft felt the need to implement the Microsoft Points system to purchase DLC on the 360.  Among other business-case related things I guess credit card numbers and billing information can be hard to enter when you don’t have a keyboard.  But we PC gamers have been blessed with the alpha-numeric keyboard since the day dot.  So, Bioware, when you make us buy points to buy your DLC when there’s no practical / technological reason for making us do so, and then don’t even offer us the option of buying the right number of points for any given pack … yeah, it makes us feel kind of exploited.  Or at least, that’s how I feel.  Can you just let us buy our games like grown ups in the future please?  Not even a bunch of leftover points will make me want to download that stupid sunglasses pack.

Right.  I don’t actually feel any better for having said that, but I’ll move on regardless to the subject of today’s review: the new Overlord DLC pack for Mass Effect 2.  It’s about 1GB to download and will set you back 560 of the abovementioned Microsoft/Bioware Bison Dollars points.  Installation is dead simple, same as every other pack thus far.

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The villain in the new ME2 DLC, we presume

Yep, it seems Bioware are conspiring to make sure that Mass Effect 2 never leaves our front page.  The company announced the next DLC release for the game this week, titled “Overlord”.

The premise is that Shepard has to go investigate a Cerberus base that’s gone silent.  Bioware use the word “mysteriously” in that description, by the way, but I think the mystery has gone for any regular players of the game: it’s undoubtedly gone silent because someone there did something monumentally stupid, resulting in genetically engineered life forms / robots / biotics / robo-space ponies running wild and killing everybody.

Just to prove me right, this time it’s robots.  A rogue VI is doing some nasty stuff and only you can shut it down.  We’re being promised five new level areas and two new achievements for a cost of 560 MS / Bioware points, the same price as the Kasumi package.  Which means I’ll have to buy even more Bioware points, which annoys the hell out of me, but I’ll do it because I’m obviously a fanboy who doesn’t know better.

Expect a June 2010 release date and visit the official page for more info and pics.

It looks like he put a Light Cycle on his head

BioWare announced today that they’ll be releasing another DLC pack for Mass Effect 2 tomorrow.  The (mostly) new content will be called the “Equaliser Pack”, and includes two new helmets and a set of armour previously only available with a pre-order code.  Here’s the details:

… the Equalizer Pack adds the Capacitor Helmet, Archon Visor, and Inferno Armor to Shepard’s armor locker. The Capacitor Helmet stores power for kinetic barriers, allowing Shepard’s shields to recharge faster. The Archon Visor manages omni-tools and biotic amps, reducing the recharge time of Shepard’s powers. The powered Inferno Armor speeds up Shepard’s movements and increases his tech and biotic power damage, additionally stress analysis software even gives him an edge in negotiations outside of combat.

But what’s really so equalising about this package?

Well remember all that free DLC you enjoyed as part of BioWare’s Cerberus Network?  Well this pack kind of … equals that stuff out.  Yes, that’s right, two new helmets and a set of armour available with pre-order will set you back to the tune of 160 MS Points.  And while I know that’s not actually such a horrendous price as far as downloadable content goes, it does still leave me questioning what the whole point behind EA’s Project 10 Dollar was supposed to be.  At least it’s not another hideous reskin package, I guess.

In the realm of actually interesting Mass Effect 2 news, there are plenty of rumours flying around concerning an upcoming DLC pack set to feature Liara and the mysterious Shadow Broker.  The rumours started in much the same fashion as the Kasumi DLC’s did, savvy PC users tearing their copy of the game apart for clues.

Nestled deep inside the PC files they’ve discovered some unused Liara audio attacted to a file called “BioD_TwrHub_504LiaraDLC.pcc” and obligingly posted the results up as a YouTube video.  Before you press play, please accept this complimentary spolier warning.

The idea would seem to put a new spin on the final issue in the Mass Effect: Redemption comics, which suggested that Liara’s fight against the Shadow Broker would continue in Mass Effect 2.  And as far as ME2‘s plot goes, it would be nice to think they didn’t consider the story completed by the removal of one of the Shadow Brokers administrationally gifted underlings.

So if you’re a little underwhelmed with the news about the Equaliser Pack, there’s always this to look forward to … probably.

For the time being, head on over to the BioWare site for all the existing DLC details…

Kasumi, the lead character in the latest Mass Effect 2 DLC pack

Most people by now will be familiar with EA’s “Project Ten Dollar”, where DLC for games is released free to people who bought the game new but costs $10 for people who bought it second hand.  The Cerberus Network in Mass Effect 2 is one of the first implementations of the program.

So if, like most people, you’ve got your Cerberus Network membership you’ll likely be a little pissy with EA and Bioware over this DLC pack.  Y’see… it’s not free.  The Kasumi pack will cost you 560 Microsoft points if you’re an X-Box player, or 560 Bioware points if you’re a PC user.

I’m in the latter category and it proved to be a source of irritation.  This is the first time I’ve had to use Bioware points and they come in blocks.  You can’t buy less than 800 (which set me back AUD$11ish) and they’re are only good for Bioware games (unlike the 360’s Microsoft points which are good for all titles).  So I’ve got a bit of a bad taste in my mouth.  It’s not as though Bioware had to do this to fit into someone’s pre-existing system or anything – for fuck’s sake, why can’t you just let me pay you what the content is actually worth, in actual dollars, like regular civilised adults?*  It worked just fine for Mass Effect 1.

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I hope you didn't think I was going to waste this template...

The mysterious countdown on Bioware’s website has ended and unfortunately, none of our predictions came true.  Staff hadn’t been listening to too much Europe and it turns out their calendars work just fine.

What the company announced at when the timer expired was the BioWare Bazaar - a week-long series of online auctions to celebrate its 15th birthday.  Bidding will be made in tokens, which people can win by completing challenges using their Twitter accounts, and a few other specified activities.  So what’s up for grabs? Well the prizes list boasts 412 different prizes.  Here’s just a quick selection:

• Mass Effect 2 Collector’s Edition Artwork Branded Computer
• Dragon Age: Origins Black Box Art Branded Computer
• Shepard Statue (presumably town square sized)
• Griffon Hat
• Where’s Shepard Cling
• BioWare Travel Mug
• And Many More!

So what are you waiting for – go on over to the BioWare Bazaar page and get tweeting if you’re that way inclined.  Auctions begin on April 6.

… that is of course unless you happen to live in anywhere outside of the US like us, in which case you’re not actually eligible to enter.  Thanks BioWare!  We didn’t know international shipping was going to ruin your budget!

Sure, the engine freezes up in the cold…

Firewalker is the latest chunk of DLC released free of charge on the Cerberus network for Mass Effect 2 and I know quite a few people had high hopes for it – especially since the previous pack was a bit underwhelming.  Unfortunately, not much has changed this time out other than the download size…

The premise of the Firewalker pack is that a couple of Cerberus researchers have gone missing.  When you turn up at their last known location you don’t find them but you find one of their toys – the M-57 Hammerhead hover tank.  You’re then supposed to go around collecting clues to find out what the researchers were doing and where they’ve disappeared to.

I had some problems piloting the Hammerhead at first, largely because the default key bindings didn’t match the on-screen instructions.  No matter how many times I pressed left shift, I definitely wasn’t jumping and nothing much else seemed to work either.  After a quick key re-mapping I was on my way… after a fashion.  Y’see, piloting the Hammerhead takes a bit of getting used to and even once you’ve been at it a while you’ll still be running into shit.  If there was anything alive on the volcano planet where you first land it would’ve pissed itself laughing at my initial efforts.

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Several meticulous hours in MS Paint

Or at least that’s one of the wild theories I’m starting based on the unexplained countdown Bioware has put on its website, as well as the websites for Mass Effect 2 and and Dragon Age: Origins.

It’s due to expire Monday morning US time and in the absence of any official explanations, people have been coming up with all sorts of fun theories.  It doesn’t coincide with the release date of any already-announced DLC for Mass Effect or Dragon Age so people are speculating that it might be further DLC or, more likely, the announcement of a new game – possibly the “new next gen game” listed in the site’s navigation.

That sounds like a solid theory – but it’s got the downside of being absolutely zero fun.  So let’s jump on the bandwagon and come up with some stupid theories of our own!  Here goes:

• The countdown is never actually intended to reach zero: with two minutes left on the clock it’ll stop and Iron Maiden’s 2 Minutes to Midnight will play on all the company’s websites.
• The company will be releasing an officially-sanctioned compilation of Wrex / Shepard fan fiction.
• The announcement of an exciting new joint venture with Sheridan which will produce Dragon Age branded rat blankets.
• A public address system glitch has resulted in Europe’s The Final Countdown being played non-stop for the past week at Bioware’s offices, causing the staff to snap.
• Bioware staff got a fantastic bulk deal on desk calendars.  Unfortunately, they’re missing a few days and the company’s plans for the BEST APRIL FOOL’S DAY PRANK EVAR!!1!!!!1! will result only in confusion and annoyance among the gaming public rather than the planned epic lulz.

Feel free to speculate wildly in the comments field.  Or you could just wait four days and find out for real but where’s the lulz in that?  Watch it yourself with bated breath at the Bioware site.

The company really wants to take over news pages today, BTW.  One of its developers, Christina Norman, has been tweeting about starting work on something called “Project Wombat” for Mass Effect 3.  Apparently the limited ammo system for Mass 2 was dubbed “Project Sasquatch” while it was in the works, so it’s safe to assume the name means nothing.  Or … does it?  Read for yourself.

Kasumi: the 12th (wo)man in Shepard's squad.

There’s been a whole bunch of DLC announcements for Mass Effect 2 recently.  Here’s a quick wrap up:

First of all, the Firewalker pack containing the much-awaited hover-tank and new missions has just been released, and as promised it’s free to everyone a Cerberus Network membership.  I’ll be doing a writeup on it in the next few days.  Members can also download a new weapon for free – the Cerberus Arc Projector.

For those who want to spend 160 MS / BioWare points you can download some new threads for Garrus, Thane and Jack.  And for 80 points, 360 users can download some purty Gamerpics.  They include portraits of Tali, Thane, Samara, Grunt and of course default male-model-Shepard*.

Lastly, the worst kept secret of the lot has been confirmed – another DLC pack is coming that will give you access to a 12th squad member, Kasumi.  Expect it in early April and for it to set you back 560 points.  Naturally there’s a new loyalty mission where apparently you’ll get to do some thieving.  Sounds like fun.

That’s it for the moment, imma gonna go shake my fist at the download meter and shout “Where’s my hovertank!” for the next 28 minutes.  You can visit the official Bioware page for more info in the meantime.

* Wrex.  Shepard?  Wrex.

Surprisingly few rats!

Let me preface this review: I’m not really a fan of this kind of game. In fact, frequent readers have probably heard/read about my flailing hatred of the RPG genre in general. Having watched Matt and various others walk through mindnumbingly boring landscapes, interact with dull voiced peasants while constantly being ‘surprise attacked’ by various rats/mutant rats while searching for armour made out of a glass, for what seems like days on end, I have nursed extreme prejudice against all games of their ilk. I’ve tried playing them, but I can never get more than a couple of hours past character creation.

The one exception was Knights of the Old Republic, and even then I ended up quitting half way through because it was easier to watch Matt play than slog through leveling up and grinding. All I wanted to know was who the main character was, whether Bastilla was good or not and if you could hook up with Carth. This lead to my standard game playing trick of ‘set it to baby-easy, play through, auto level up’. Weak as piss, right?

That’s probably what kills me. These games are meant to be immersing you in an interactive storyline that compels you to keep playing to find out what happens next. Nothing is more tedious to me than three seconds of storyline followed by twelve hours of collecting the hides from seventeen rats to make a rat blanket to warm a peasant who turns out to be a rat god with acne. Fucking … I don’t know. I just can’t justify putting in time into such a fruitless exercise. How does this help the story? It doesn’t, so I’m not interested. But obviously that doesn’t mean it’s a bad game. I’ve seen Matt play Elder Scrolls: Morrowind for thirteen hours straight, with very little idea of what is going on around him, so it must be engaging on some level. There’s some kind of ‘hook’ that allows days worth of time to be squandered on finding every candle in the map and putting it in your house.*

Finally, with Dragon Age: Origins, I think I’ve found what that hook is.

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