Armchair Diplomat

Apologies for having to step over the giant gap in this series on the way in, gentle reader, but it’s been a troublesome time for bizarre Wii controllers.

You see, no matter what hilariously unlikely idea I seem to think up, it turns out fact is stranger than ficton.  For instance, efforts to mock up a bicycle controller turned out to be true, much to my chagrin, along with replica machine guns.  Hell, even a galaxy far, far away has managed to churn out a few space sidearms for our peripheral crazy consumers.

So it’s been a little challenging to find something new to patent, so I moved on to a long list of non-mainstream “sports” for inspiration.  After a little aimless browsing, I managed to hit pay dirt … or so I thought.  Read on for the latest installment in our Wii controller patent applications, and then join my lament!

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It seems while the focus of most gaming accessories seems to be on entertainment, there are still a few companies who are willing to put the time and effort into producing console versions of household tools.

This week’s new controller patent, developed by “top scientific minds”, continues this lesser known tradition in housework simulation. Care to get in touch with your inner maid?

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This week’s controller patent is designed to simplify your life.  Let’s face it, life is complex enough when not only do you have to keep yourself in shape, but apparently your pets too.  You’re a young, hip Wii owner who needs something to help you with your busy, on-the-go gaming style.

Since the dawn of technology, human beings have been looking for a way to make their hands redundant.  For example, before the invention of the wheel it’s widely accepted ^{[citation needed]} that man walked on his hands, giving him terrible callouses.  Similarly, it’s known that a lot of human beings begin life deaf, but later chose to hear because sign language is such a terrible strain on the wrists.  Well in that vein, this controller extender means that you may never need your hands to talk again.

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Here’s another new patent application for our series of new Wii controllers, fresh off the drafting board (read: the A5 scrap paper I stole from work).

This week, other Wii controller developers have been targeting the music game genre, but we’ve taken a different tack.

People love sports games, right? EA have proven this to us time and time again. But people also like a sense of danger to make things that little bit more exciting, right? Well that’s what we’re aiming aim with this new patent application:

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Another installment into our collection of Nintendo Wii controller patent applications.

It’s frustrating, isn’t it, the way not only does Nintendo seem to feel the need to package every game with a new piece of plastic, but that sometimes they can even make those pieces of plastic obsolete?

Well luckily we only research and develop the most sensible controller ideas, and we’re sure you’re going to love this week’s submission. It caters to the potential green-thumb in all of us. Care to take a look?

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So over the last little while we’ve seen some rather … shall we say interesting patent applications coming out of Nintendo.

While we’re all kind of getting used to the idea of having a controller add-on for every single game released on the Wii, some of the most recent have just been getting plain old stupid. Here for example is the patent application for the Wii-mote Squishy Football controller. Even crazier, here’s the application for the Inflateable Wiimote Saddle controller.

But why stop there? There are just so many other things that we can slot a Wiimote into, and to this end I proudly present part one in a continuing series: New Nintendo Controller Patent Applications! Fancy a chilling look into the future?

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