Overlord is watching. He knows all your secrets.

I can’t help myself: I’m going to begin this review with a complaint.  Please bear with me.

I guess I can understand why Microsoft felt the need to implement the Microsoft Points system to purchase DLC on the 360.  Among other business-case related things I guess credit card numbers and billing information can be hard to enter when you don’t have a keyboard.  But we PC gamers have been blessed with the alpha-numeric keyboard since the day dot.  So, Bioware, when you make us buy points to buy your DLC when there’s no practical / technological reason for making us do so, and then don’t even offer us the option of buying the right number of points for any given pack … yeah, it makes us feel kind of exploited.  Or at least, that’s how I feel.  Can you just let us buy our games like grown ups in the future please?  Not even a bunch of leftover points will make me want to download that stupid sunglasses pack.

Right.  I don’t actually feel any better for having said that, but I’ll move on regardless to the subject of today’s review: the new Overlord DLC pack for Mass Effect 2.  It’s about 1GB to download and will set you back 560 of the abovementioned Microsoft/Bioware Bison Dollars points.  Installation is dead simple, same as every other pack thus far.

The premise of this mission is that Cerberus has lost contact with another one of its research facilities.  Given the way every single other one of these missions has ended you’d think they’d have learned to just start nuking the sites from orbit.  The Illusive Man mustn’t be big on being sure, however, because once again he’s asked Commander Shepard to go take a look.

Poking around in crashed alien ships always ends so well, don't you find?

When you arrive at your destination you’ll find that, as they say in the classics, dumb shit has been happening*.  A VI has gone rogue and taken over a bunch of systems, as well as the mechs and geth (because experiments involving them always end so well for Cerberus in the past) the scientists were using in their experiments.  And best of all it’s trying to establish a satellite uplink to beam itself offworld.  That’d be your cue, oh saviour of the universe.

The M44 Hammerhead hover-tank makes its return in this pack.  To complete the mission you’ll need to carry out tasks at a few different locations and you’ll travel between them in the M44, enjoying some really quite pleasant garden world scenery along the way.

Unfortunately, the Hammerhead still isn’t a great deal of fun to drive.  Seriously, I found myself wishing for my Mako back at more than one point.  The platform-gaming sections that I hated so much in the original Firewalker pack make a return and combat in the Hammerhead is almost so dull that it’s pointless.  Unleash endless stream of self-guided missiles at target, hide out of sight until health regenerates, repeat.  The fact that the Hammerhead’s onboard computer tells you how to solve every little problem you come across annoyed me too.

However, the mission you get up to outside the Hammerhead is really well made.  You get to experience a few different environments and everywhere you go there are green VI eyes popping up on screens, watching and screaming digitally at you.

The latest trend in corporate art: installing a virus-riddled Geth Prime in your lobby.

There are also security cameras all over the place that you can shoot down.  I’ve got no idea if doing this had any effect on the outcome of my mission or not, but I felt sufficiently creeped out by those nasty green eyes that I shot them all anyway, just to be sure.  Which I think speaks to one of the big strengths of this pack.  Once you’re out of the Hammerhead, Bioware have succeeded in actually making a few of the sections quite tense and even a little unnerving - obviously you’re going to be ambushed, but when and how?

And we already knew this was a good looking game but there’s a few sections in this pack that are really, really, really good looking.  The final section in particular was a “wow” moment for me.

Achievement whores have two new ones to complete – one for completing the mission itself and another for playing hide and seek with barrells on the planet surface in your Hammerhead.  You get another technology upgrade along the way as well though I didn’t find anything in the way of new weapons or armour, and the overall play time is around two to three hours the first time through.

The Verdict:

Pros: It’s a decent length, portions of it are visually spectacular and the missions have a great atmosphere.

Cons: Cash advance interest rates.  The Hammerhead still isn’t as good as it should be either.

Overall: Gripes about points and the Hammerhead aside, the missions that make up the bulk of the pack are done pretty well.  It’s hardly an essential gaming experience and it doesn’t really advance the game’s overall plot but it’s plenty enjoyable for the reasonably low price. 3.5 out of 5 stars.

* Yep – even worse than Vanilla Ice trying to rap again, apparently.

The villain in the new ME2 DLC, we presume

Yep, it seems Bioware are conspiring to make sure that Mass Effect 2 never leaves our front page.  The company announced the next DLC release for the game this week, titled “Overlord”.

The premise is that Shepard has to go investigate a Cerberus base that’s gone silent.  Bioware use the word “mysteriously” in that description, by the way, but I think the mystery has gone for any regular players of the game: it’s undoubtedly gone silent because someone there did something monumentally stupid, resulting in genetically engineered life forms / robots / biotics / robo-space ponies running wild and killing everybody.

Just to prove me right, this time it’s robots.  A rogue VI is doing some nasty stuff and only you can shut it down.  We’re being promised five new level areas and two new achievements for a cost of 560 MS / Bioware points, the same price as the Kasumi package.  Which means I’ll have to buy even more Bioware points, which annoys the hell out of me, but I’ll do it because I’m obviously a fanboy who doesn’t know better.

Expect a June 2010 release date and visit the official page for more info and pics.

Get ready to make use of that bayonet, Bourbon

THQ have dropped a little knowledge concerning the upcoming DLC package for Metro 2033 and, before you all start rolling your eyes, it actually sounds kind of cool.  The developers have decided to build on the game’s strongest asset, the atmosphere, and are releasing a new game mode to make the most of it: Ranger Mode.

Ranger Mode will apparently decrease the amount of ammo strewn about the metro, while at the same time making all guns more powerful.  So while enemies will deal greater damage than before, the power increase will also allow players to make better use of the game’s stealth system for strategic takedowns.  There’s also an option to completely remove the game’s HUD, to add a touch of difficulty and make better use of the game’s on-screen elements.  Overall, it’s attempting to move the game in a slightly more realistic direction, a move which I heartily approve of.

For those not satisfied with just cranking the difficulty up the “Ranger Pack” will also include a new set of achievements, and add two new guns for your enjoyment.  The new weapons are the Heavy Automatic Shotgun, previously available as a pre-order bonus, and the Volt Driver, the post-apocalyptic rail-gun you can see Miller use in later levels.  The Volt Driver sounds a little out of place but I’ll be happy to get my hands on the Auto Shotgun, especially considering my pre-order code wouldn’t redeem.  Thanks for that, EB Games.

No details on the price yet, but if the asking price is fair I can totallly see myself buying this DLC.  It sounds like it will compliment the game quite nicely.  You can read over the official announcement here.

It looks like he put a Light Cycle on his head

BioWare announced today that they’ll be releasing another DLC pack for Mass Effect 2 tomorrow.  The (mostly) new content will be called the “Equaliser Pack”, and includes two new helmets and a set of armour previously only available with a pre-order code.  Here’s the details:

… the Equalizer Pack adds the Capacitor Helmet, Archon Visor, and Inferno Armor to Shepard’s armor locker. The Capacitor Helmet stores power for kinetic barriers, allowing Shepard’s shields to recharge faster. The Archon Visor manages omni-tools and biotic amps, reducing the recharge time of Shepard’s powers. The powered Inferno Armor speeds up Shepard’s movements and increases his tech and biotic power damage, additionally stress analysis software even gives him an edge in negotiations outside of combat.

But what’s really so equalising about this package?

Well remember all that free DLC you enjoyed as part of BioWare’s Cerberus Network?  Well this pack kind of … equals that stuff out.  Yes, that’s right, two new helmets and a set of armour available with pre-order will set you back to the tune of 160 MS Points.  And while I know that’s not actually such a horrendous price as far as downloadable content goes, it does still leave me questioning what the whole point behind EA’s Project 10 Dollar was supposed to be.  At least it’s not another hideous reskin package, I guess.

In the realm of actually interesting Mass Effect 2 news, there are plenty of rumours flying around concerning an upcoming DLC pack set to feature Liara and the mysterious Shadow Broker.  The rumours started in much the same fashion as the Kasumi DLC’s did, savvy PC users tearing their copy of the game apart for clues.

Nestled deep inside the PC files they’ve discovered some unused Liara audio attacted to a file called “BioD_TwrHub_504LiaraDLC.pcc” and obligingly posted the results up as a YouTube video.  Before you press play, please accept this complimentary spolier warning.

The idea would seem to put a new spin on the final issue in the Mass Effect: Redemption comics, which suggested that Liara’s fight against the Shadow Broker would continue in Mass Effect 2.  And as far as ME2‘s plot goes, it would be nice to think they didn’t consider the story completed by the removal of one of the Shadow Brokers administrationally gifted underlings.

So if you’re a little underwhelmed with the news about the Equaliser Pack, there’s always this to look forward to … probably.

For the time being, head on over to the BioWare site for all the existing DLC details…

Kasumi, the lead character in the latest Mass Effect 2 DLC pack

Most people by now will be familiar with EA’s “Project Ten Dollar”, where DLC for games is released free to people who bought the game new but costs $10 for people who bought it second hand.  The Cerberus Network in Mass Effect 2 is one of the first implementations of the program.

So if, like most people, you’ve got your Cerberus Network membership you’ll likely be a little pissy with EA and Bioware over this DLC pack.  Y’see… it’s not free.  The Kasumi pack will cost you 560 Microsoft points if you’re an X-Box player, or 560 Bioware points if you’re a PC user.

I’m in the latter category and it proved to be a source of irritation.  This is the first time I’ve had to use Bioware points and they come in blocks.  You can’t buy less than 800 (which set me back AUD$11ish) and they’re are only good for Bioware games (unlike the 360’s Microsoft points which are good for all titles).  So I’ve got a bit of a bad taste in my mouth.  It’s not as though Bioware had to do this to fit into someone’s pre-existing system or anything – for fuck’s sake, why can’t you just let me pay you what the content is actually worth, in actual dollars, like regular civilised adults?*  It worked just fine for Mass Effect 1.

*deep breaths*

Anywho, I had time to get over that while I waited for the 1GB of data to finish downloading.  Once I’d calmed down and the file had arrived installation was a breeze, just like all the other DLC packs released so far for the game.  Start the game and the new content is integrated in the same way as the other packs – you’ll get a message from the Illusive Man telling you where to go to start your new mission.

Recruiting Kasumi takes zero effort and there’s no actual mission involved.  It’s pretty much the same as recruiting Zaeed in that respect – you just rock up to the specified location and have a brief conversation with her.

Evening wear by Prada, weaponry by Elanus Risk Control

Kasumi’s loyalty mission, on the other hand, is much more amusing.  Someone has killed her former partner and stolen the “graybox” that stores his memories and knowledge.  Kasumi wants it back and she wants you to help steal it during a party at the villain’s mansion.  So off you go to a party on the planet Bekenstein, the “human Illium”

This leads to one of the first new experiences for the pack: you get to swan about in evening wear for a while.  In the process we also confirm that a female Shepard can even run in heels.  Impressive.  There’s a largely combat-free section at the beginning where you work out how to penetrate the mansion’s vault, then a bit of combat against mercenaries and mechs once you’re inside.

Kasumi herself has some pretty handy special abilities in combat – the one where she cloaks, sneaks up on an enemy and kills them instantly is a new favourite.  She also carries flash bang grenades as her loyalty skill.  The enemies you’ll face are equipped with them too, however, so you’ll have a new challenge to face.

Over the course of the mission you’ll come across a few power ups, including a brand new submachine gun for you and your party to use.  There’s also a tech damage upgrade, a new achievement for completing the mission and once it’s all over you get to keep your new outfit and wander about the Normandy in it if you so choose.

Kasumi takes up residence on the crew deck of the ship, where she’ll tell you about some of her old heists and make comments on other issues.  As with Zaeed, however, you don’t get to have any interactive conversations with her – she’ll give you three or four one-sided sound bites then tell you to come back later.

The pack isn’t without its flaws.  The biggest one for me is that most people will have already finished the game and as a result they’ll be recruiting a team member for a mission that’s already been completed.

There's a perfectly rational explanation for this... I hope.

There’s some argument being made online that we all know Mass Effect 3 is coming and that Shepard’s larger mission is far from over so could still make sense to be recruiting new members for your team at this stage.  Which is all well and good… but I’ve got no particular use for her right now and some of the dialog you have with her is out of place because she’ll talk as though you haven’t already defeated the Collectors.  Plus you’re asked to overlook the fact that you and the Illusive Man may no longer be on speaking terms.

Also, since Kasumi isn’t loyal until the end of the mission you don’t get to use her flash bang loyalty skill.  These problems go away if you’re recruiting her during a regular play through, of course, and she slots in just like a regular member of your team.  But integration into a completed play through is poor.

Overall I had some fun with this pack.  I certainly enjoyed it a lot more than the Firewalker pack and if I was going to be forced to pay for one of them, I probably prefer that it’s this one.  But I know having to pay at all will be a sticking point for some and the integration with the plot isn’t the best.  One for the fans who are willing to overlook the flaws, I guess.

The Verdict

Pros: Kasumi’s loyalty mission is different to those of all the other characters, and it’s a decent length too.  There’s a new weapon and upgrades and finally, the Normandy has a bar!

Cons: The mission isn’t all that challenging, those who took EA at their word on Project Ten Dollar probably won’t be happy about having to pay and recruiting a team member for a mission you’ve already completed is a bit redundant.

Overview: This is the best Mass Effect 2 DLC pack by a long stretch … but the competition for that title reallt wasn’t all that strong.  However there’s some amusing moments, some new swag and an interesting mission included, as long as you can get over having to pay and the (potentially) poor story integration. 3.5 out of 5.

* Rhetorical question – I know exactly why.  I’m just shitty that we’ve had a trick this low pulled on us.

A mechsuit AND an eyepatch? You don't stand a chance ...

It’s difficult not to be impressed with what Gearbox Software has accomplished with Borderlands.  When the game was released last October, undoubtedly most gamers were impressed, but could be forgiven for assuming that it might not have the lasting power to hook players in the long term.  And here we are, in the second quarter of 2010, playing the game’s third DLC expansion The Secret Armory of General Knoxx.

Congratulations, Gearbox, you’ve managed to squeeze me for about $40 in extra sales and not have me resent you.

Secret Armory whisks the players away to the remote highway town of T-Bone Junction, where a Crimson Lance assassin named Athena wishes to defect and help you remove the Lance occupation on Pandora for good.  Standing in the way are raiders, drones, mechs, massive sand spiders, a whole horde of Lance troops and of course the good General Knoxx himself.

If Mad Moxxi’s Underdome Riot left a somewhat unpleasant taste in your mouth (like it did with me), you’ll be happy to discover that Knoxx actually has more in common with Zombie Island of Dr Ned.  T-Bone Junction is a massive, multi-zone area that’s ready for exploration, houses it’s own story quest along with multiple new side quests.  Gearbox wisely aimed this expansion at higher level players (let’s face it, even lazy players should be close to level 50 by now), and with this in mind also raised the level cap from 50 to 61.  Enemies will pose a significant threat to even the highest level characters, especially if said characters are running their second or third playthoughs.

Why are there no pudgy lady ninjas, anyhow?

There are also a few new items to enjoy in Secret Armory.  These come primarily in the shape of “cores”: a range of instantly consumed buffing items dropped by Lance troopers.  Cores can boost either your health, shield or movement speed for a short amount of time after being picked up, and can prove themselves quite useful in extended firefights.

T-Bone Junction is a big place, spanning many in-game miles of highway and wasteland.  One of the first missions you’ll acquire upon arriving is the construction of a new vehicle, dubbed “the Monster”, which has far better armour than your normal vehicle and a homing missile turret to boot.  It also looks like someone thought a Jeep Cherokee didn’t look boss enough. Through the course of the story mission you can also unlock a Racing Runner and a Lance APC for your driving pleasure.

Perhaps the only drawback of such an expansive new area is that the entirety of T-Bone Junction is tied to one fast travel station.  This means that if during the course of the game you find that you and your objective are on opposite sides of the map, it’s going to be at least five minutes to close the gap, and that’s if you keep the nitro open and manage to avoid all the soldiers taking pot shots along the highway.  I can understand wanting to show off the impressive work put into Secret Armory‘s landscape, but there are occasions that you’ll wish that you could just teleport back to the hub to turn in your mission.

Remember all those spiderants you killed? Their big brother would like to talk to you

The writing is as funny and savvy as always, and makes good use of characters introduced in previous DLC packages too.  For those that thought Underdome Riot could have used some actual interaction with Mad Moxxi, she appears here as the owner of Moxxi’s Red Light, one of the many areas you’ll collect missions.  Scooter is also let off the leash, and considering it was a pretty slack leash to begin with he’ll undoubtably have you laughing out loud consistently.  The radio communications between the player and Athena are hilarious, but full credit has to be directed toward whoever created and scripted the character of General Knoxx.  Knoxx himself has been sent to Pandora by the Lance’s four year old commander, has been briefed only in crayon letters and has since given up on his superiors.  When he contacts you, he sounds tired and put upon, and audio logs you uncover along the way of his experiences with his infant superior almost had me in tears of laughter.

Basically what Gearbox has delivered with Secret Armory of General Knoxx is more.  More missions, more guns, more enemies, more vehicles, more levels, and just more of the Borderlands experience as a whole.  This expansion is probably going to become a necessity for online play, especially if you’re running a level 40+ character.  And if even the most badass of Lance troops don’t appear to be offering much resistance … well there’s always the aptly named Crawmerax the Invincible.

The Verdict:

Pros: Everything gets a little bit of improvement in this expansion, from characters to cars.  The world surrounding T-Bone Junction is expansive, and certainly an entertaining way to while away the hours online.  Knoxx also features probably the best writing so far from the Gearbox crew.

Cons: Really could of used a fast-travel station from time to time.  Also, just like previous installments, playing Knoxx solo is really only an exercise for the masochistic.

Overall: Secret Armory of General Knoxx is the pick of the bunch when it comes to Borderlands DLC, and certainly well worth the asking price if you enjoyed the original game.  Gearbox continues to provide an example to other game studios what DLC should be: a fully-realised expansion that adds favourably to your original game. 4 out of 5!

Firewalker is the latest chunk of DLC released free of charge on the Cerberus network for Mass Effect 2 and I know quite a few people had high hopes for it – especially since the previous pack was a bit underwhelming.  Unfortunately, not much has changed this time out other than the download size…

The premise of the Firewalker pack is that a couple of Cerberus researchers have gone missing.  When you turn up at their last known location you don’t find them but you find one of their toys – the M-57 Hammerhead hover tank.  You’re then supposed to go around collecting clues to find out what the researchers were doing and where they’ve disappeared to.

I had some problems piloting the Hammerhead at first, largely because the default key bindings didn’t match the on-screen instructions.  No matter how many times I pressed left shift, I definitely wasn’t jumping and nothing much else seemed to work either.  After a quick key re-mapping I was on my way… after a fashion.  Y’see, piloting the Hammerhead takes a bit of getting used to and even once you’ve been at it a while you’ll still be running into shit.  If there was anything alive on the volcano planet where you first land it would’ve pissed itself laughing at my initial efforts.

Unfortunately, it didn’t get any better from there.  You’re soon asked to do a bunch of platform-style jumping from cliff to pillar to whatever.  Now I’ve always hated platform games, so this section really didn’t do anything for me and it felt really out of place in a Mass Effect game.  I was actually wishing for my Mako back at one point.  Sure it was ungainly and driving it up vertical cliff faces lost its appeal real quick, but at least it didn’t make you do things over and over and over until you nailed one stupid jump…

Finding out that you can’t save your game any time you’re behind the wheel was also a source of frustration.  The reasoning becomes clear on the later missions (read: they’d be even more stupendously easy if you could save midway through) but on your first time out the repetition when I made a mistake annoyed the hell out of me.  Gawd I really do fucking hate platform games.

The Hammerhead encounters technology more advanced than its own

Fortunately it’s only the first mission that focuses on that style of play.  Once you’ve got it out the way there’s a couple of other different mission types that you undertake in the Hammerhead.  One is basically a checkpoint race where you have to zoom from one waypoint to the next before your engines freeze.  It’s pissweak, but the racing game fan in me at least appreciated the sentiment and a timed-objective mission is at least something we’re familiar with in the series.

In another one you have to fly from checkpoint to checkpoint collecting “artifacts” and killing off any geth you come across.  This mission in particular highlighted that combat in the Hammerhead is depressingly easy.  You’re equipped with an unlimited supply of rapid-fire, long-range, automatically-targeting rockets so all you need to is point in the vague direction of your target and hold down the fire button until they’re dead.  In almost every situation you can execute this cunning plan from outside the weapons range of your enemies.  Health and armour work the same for the Hammerhead as they do for Shepard -  take too many hits and flames will eventually start spewing from it.  These will quickly go out if you just back off and stop getting shot at.

The remaining couple of missions are fairly simple “go here, jump out and do a little bit of exploring on foot” affairs, really nothing special.  There’s a bit of experience to be gained along with some resources, cash and a research project so it’s not a total waste of time.  Each of the missions also takes place in totally new star systems (attached to existing star clusters) so you’ve got another dozen or so worlds to strip-mine for palladium should you feel the need.

Long story short?  This DLC pack really isn’t anywhere near as cool as it sounded like it was going to be and it isn’t that long either: I finished it in under an hour.  But the price is right, so what the hell.

Also released at the same time as another free heavy weapon download: the arc projector.  As is to be expected there some scientific-sounding guff that explains how the gun works and why but really, if you just call it a lightning gun you’ve probably got the right idea.  It’ll deal fair whack of damage to an individual foe or it’ll send lighting jumping between several individuals if they’re standing within range.

Unlike the Hammerhead, the arc projector proves to be a bit of fun.  Of course, if you’re anything like me you’ll have already finished the game with your existing characters and will have run out of people to kill, so you’ll need to start another playthrough in order to give it a bash.

The Verdict:

Pros: It’s free, arc projector is a laugh (and can be quite effective) if you’ve still got anyone left to kill.

Cons: It’s short, it feels very tacked on, the platform jumping sections are annoying and the rest of it is just too easy.

Overall: This is hardly an essential gaming experience but I know a lot of completists will need to play it.  And, well, it’s kind of hard to complain when it doesn’t cost anything!

Kasumi: the 12th (wo)man in Shepard's squad.

There’s been a whole bunch of DLC announcements for Mass Effect 2 recently.  Here’s a quick wrap up:

First of all, the Firewalker pack containing the much-awaited hover-tank and new missions has just been released, and as promised it’s free to everyone a Cerberus Network membership.  I’ll be doing a writeup on it in the next few days.  Members can also download a new weapon for free – the Cerberus Arc Projector.

For those who want to spend 160 MS / BioWare points you can download some new threads for Garrus, Thane and Jack.  And for 80 points, 360 users can download some purty Gamerpics.  They include portraits of Tali, Thane, Samara, Grunt and of course default male-model-Shepard*.

Lastly, the worst kept secret of the lot has been confirmed – another DLC pack is coming that will give you access to a 12th squad member, Kasumi.  Expect it in early April and for it to set you back 560 points.  Naturally there’s a new loyalty mission where apparently you’ll get to do some thieving.  Sounds like fun.

That’s it for the moment, imma gonna go shake my fist at the download meter and shout “Where’s my hovertank!” for the next 28 minutes.  You can visit the official Bioware page for more info in the meantime.

* Wrex.  Shepard?  Wrex.

He can never just walk somewhere, can he?

OK, so when last we parted Assassin’s Creed 2 and I weren’t on the best of terms.  This was mainly due to a rather disappointing little DLC addendum called Battle of Forli, a downloadable expansion that didn’t quite do justice to the game as a whole.  Words were said, feelings were hurt, low scores were awarded.  But even though it was terrible, or come to think of it maybe because it was terrible, I was left wanting more.  So sour-taste set aside, I unquestioningly coughed up the moon money Points to purchase the second DLC installment, Bonfire of the Vanities.

And I’m happy to say I enjoyed it.

To clarify before we begin, I picked up the pack that included the three pre-order Templar Tombs, and I can only suggest to everyone else that they do the same.  Even if you did pre-order you’ll get another two new areas to explore, along with Bonfire.  Added together, these make for a much more satisfying play length than was offered with Battle of Forli.  That is, of course, unless you purchased a Black Edition copy, in which case you can have another couple of hours to pet the Ezio figurine in your lap.

OK, to the plot: Bonfire of the Vanities picks up when Battle of Forli abruptly ended.  Ezio has lost the Apple of Eden to a mysterious, robed monk called Savonarola, who has fled to Florence and used the Apple’s power to take control of the city.  It’s up to Ezio to break Savonarola control and recover the Apple for the Assassins.

So what makes this installment worth the asking price compared to Forli?

Holding a knife up in a bright white robe. Yup, he's a master of stealth.

Well for one, Bonfire of the Vanities does what the Assassin’s Creed series does best, which is to take historical events and wrap them up in their own mythology.  As Wikipedia history records it, the actual Bonfire of the Vanities took place as a show of support to the highly religious Savonarola, but were not sanctioned by the monk himself.  Ubisoft takes the events and puts Savonarola centre stage, full of religious zeal and willing to use the power he’s acquired to bend the people of Florence to his will.  The conclusion is a little cheesy (I couldn’t help but think of Life of Brian at one point), but there is a solid beginning, middle and end.  If it makes you feel any better, it probably helps to think of Battle of Forli as simply a prologue to this story, just a way to get all the pieces in the right place to begin.  Although that said, this still leaves me wondering why they bothered to release the two chapters seperately.

This DLC also provides the player with some actual assassination missions to enjoy, rather than the babysitting brawl-fest of Forli.  To confront Savonarola, Ezio must take out his main followers one by one to cause a civilian uprising.  Not only is there a good number of these missions, but they all have a good level of variety too.  They have some rather unexpected endings too, as you discover to what degree the monk’s followers have fallen under his spell.

I love these historical reinterpretations ...

So we’ve got story, and we’ve got length.  Thankfully we’ve also got some new areas to enjoy.

I’m quite sure I wasn’t the only one who looked at their map of Florence and wondered when the fuck the southern area of the city was going to open up, only to have it dawn on me close to the end that I’d never get to see what was down there.  Well now, finally, the area is uncovered to reveal Savonarola’s palace and a whole host of new viewpoints to scale.  The majority of the Bonfire plot is centred in this area, and although it is completely new, it’s not very different in style from the rest of Florence.  Given that it’s excluded from all the game’s side-plots, for obvious reasons, there isn’t actually much reason to explore it thoroughly either, except out of sheer, bloody-minded completionism.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this review, Ubisoft have also finally loosened their grasp (albeit for a price) on the complete set of pre-order exclusive Templar Tombs.  I know I should be a little mad that I’m paying for something that’s already in the game and costs absolutely no more to integrate, but then I’d probably have to be mad at the entire DLC model and no-one can hold a grudge that big.  The three tombs, Palazzo Medici, Arsenal Shipyard and Santa Maria dei Frari, are operationally identical to the existing Assassin’s Tombs, just with less interesting loot at the end of them.  They focus a lot more on Ezio’s Prince of Persia style free-running and climbing, which is good clean fun, but you will be forced to endure another one of those “chase” sequences with a Templar.  You remember, the sequences where a Templar scout would sprint effortlessly ahead of you if you held a close pursuit, but would stop to have a chocolate biscuit and yell loudly “I think I have lost him” over and over if you needed to repeat a jump or climb.

Templars just fucking *love* hanging scaffolds

There’s nothing really new, visually.  The new sections of voice-acting are of decent enough quality, just like the rest of the game, even doing well with the rather cheesy situation the end of this plot entails.  You’re not going to have much added to your knowledge database, the fact that these segments were completely dropped prove that they don’t effect the game’s lore very much and even with the price attached you’re still not offered any bonus achievements with Bonfire of the Vanities.

In the end I’m still stuck at one conclusion, and it’s that both Battle of Forli and Bonfire of the Vanities should have been included in one package.  Given how much the two are intertwined (honestly, one is prologue, the other is conclusion), we’re really only inflicted with two DLC releases here because some marketing department thought it would drive more hype.  The two packages shipped complete with Assassin’s Creed 2′s PC version, which means it’s only left to those of us who first supported the game on console to deal with the whole missing chapter debacle.  If you’re hard up for cash, I’d suggest forgetting about Forli completely and just picking up Bonfire.  You can save yourself 300 points by simply saying “Savonarola stole the Apple of Eden from Ezio and then…” aloud before you start.

The Verdict:

Pros: New areas to explore, interesting new sub-plot.  Templar Tombs add to the complete game experience, and help add another few hours of enjoyment to the title.

Cons: Nothing new gameplay-wise, still no ability to replay past memories. The added cost of including the Templar Tombs is a bit of a kick in the teeth.

Overall: Unlike it’s predecessor, this DLC is worth getting your hands on.  It’s not jaw-droppingly brilliant by any means, but it feels a lot more polished than Forli did, and will actually take some effort to complete.  I’m not sure if Ubisoft has anything else planned in the way of DLC for Assassin’s Creed 2, but if they do let’s hope it’s a lot better planned out than these two offering were. 3 out of 5.

Mad Moxxi, the ... titular character

Amongst it’s many other accomplishments (well, depending who you ask I guess), Gears of War 2 can be lauded for the popularisation of the “Horde” style of multiplayer.  Allowing players to team up against a superior-numbered AI controlled enemy force managed to hit a real chord with shooter fans everywhere, and has since spawned many similar modes amongst the FPS genre.

Borderlands: Mad Moxxi’s Underdome Riot puts it’s hand up and declares “us too”, by adding a completely new area based upon wave-style arena combat.

As the story goes, Mad Moxxi (the Underdome’s well-endowed, carnival-themed owner) has made her way through three husbands, all of whom didn’t seem to survive the relationship.  In the search for a suitable suitor for her fourth wedlock, Moxxi has constructed the Underdome, three huge arenas based upon different areas of Pandora.  There adventurers pit themselves against hordes of enemies, while the crowd watches on in the happy knowledge that, win or lose, violence will be plentiful.

The back-story sounds entertaining enough, but truth be told there’s surprisingly little Mad Moxxi to be had in Underdome.  After her introduction, she’s basically consigned to her role as announcer.  And although much of her commentary is amusing enough, it can grow old quite quickly for reasons I’ll explain shortly.

Randomly selected boss fights can be a real challenge

Each round is sliced up into five seperate waves, each with a different theme.  Each round ends by facing a randomly selected boss from the story mode, some of whom you may not even remember were bosses in the first place.  They are all humans, however, so you’re not going to have to worry about fighting Moth’Rakk all over again.  As the round count climbs, random combat modifiers are also introduced to keep things fresh.  Between each wave there is a supply drop of ammo and health that scatters randomly around the arena, and at the end of each round Moxxi rewards you by dumping a large selection of randomly generated weapons into the spawn area.  All of these are timed drops, however, so you have to be fast if you want to restock and add to your arsenal.

If at any point a player dies they’re sent to the penalty box high above the arena for the remainder of the round.  From here they can still shoot and attempt to take part in the action, but given the limited field of vision and lack of resupply drops, they’d better make their shots count.  If the remaining players clear the round then they are dropped back into the arena, but if everyone ends up in the penalty box then it’s back to the beginning for everyone.

The Underdome's foyer

The first few challenges you’ll be able to pass using two players without too much fuss.  But where Max Moxxi starts to lose it’s lustre is when the extended challenges kick in, which typically require three to four players working together to clear.  The first set of challenges are five rounds long with five waves apiece.  The higher level challenges crank the round count all the way up to twenty.  Given that clearing a round usually takes around ten minutes or so, this means that even a perfect run will set you back approximately three hours, which is a long time to keep four people online and playing continuously.  Some concession to the length is given, as the game will checkpoint you with every five rounds you clear (in the likely event of defeat).  This checkpoint doesn’t transfer across sessions, however, which means even the most resolute team will still be throwing up their hands and looking at their watches if they hit their second wipeout.

To stop players from using the Underdome for level grinding, there is also no experience gained from the enemies you kill while undertaking trials.  While the thinking behind this is logical, it does mean that you’ll be killing a lot of enemies for almost no reward, which fails to attract materialistic players like myself.

The new Diablo-stlye item bank

Those hoping to gain valuable loot from the end of round weapon drops will also be disappointed.  Again, while I understand that you can’t just give away high-level loot constantly, Moxxi would apparently be taking this theory to it’s extreme.  In the many hours I sank into this expansion there were two, maybe three high-rarity weapons dropped, and even these didn’t turn out to be very useful compared to my current set-up.  At times it seemed more practical to just wait out the day and see what the gun vending had on offer in the way of decent loot.  So you’ll be given plenty of gear to resell (and if you’re a high enough level, I’m sure you’ve long ago stopped caring about cash), but almost nothing that will help your loadout.

There are a few odd choices cosmetically too.  When you get far enough into a match to start introducing combat modifiers, a gigantic board will obstruct your view between each wave showing which modifiers have been selected.  When you combine this with the mad panic of trying to reclaim as much lost health and ammo as possible, many players have to adopt a strange kind of diagonal strafe between waves as they attempt to look out the side of their screen.

In the end, Mad Moxxi’s Underdome Riot is really an odd combination of customer feedback and Gearbox’s desire to diversify.  Players asked for longer, more challenging multiplayer activites, and Gearbox has decided to push that idea to the limit.  But as it stands, this expansion doesn’t actually deliver much in the way of reward for the amount of effort required to complete it, which means it is probably going to be pushed to the sidelines.  This is especially true with the recent release of the new high-level geared expansion Secret Armory of General Knoxx.

The Verdict:

Pros: A solid, more traditional multiplayer experience for Borderlands.  Entertaining banter, fun and sometimes frantic gameplay.  The addition of a Diablo-style storage locker is also welcome.

Cons: Moxxi is all work and no reward.  Normally I could accept that working as part of a team towards a common goal is reward enough, but this expansion can be cripplingly long, meaning finding a team capable of completing the higher end trials is a challenge in itself.

Overall: I get the feeling that Moxxi is going to be overlooked as far as the complete Borderlands experience goes.  On paper the idea sounds quite solid, and Gearbox should be congratulated for listening to their community’s ideas.  On screen, however, Mad Moxxi’s Underdome Riot is unsatisfying and, to my ire, almost guaranteed to ruin your perfect achievement status. 2 out of 5.