It's time to smell like the future!

You know that bit in ST:The Next Generation, where a female Klingon in heat appears on the bridge of the Enterprise, and Worf is all like “Noes, my primal urges!” and Geordi asks “Worf? Is this your idea of sex?” and Worf yells, in the most plaintive ‘I touch myself at night’ voice ever “THIS IS SEX!”

He was wrong.

Sex is now defined by the type of Star Trek cologne that you wear. Whether you’re speaking slowly and haltingly as you fumble with the bra of a green skinned beauty or you’re tossing logic and your uniform to the winds in the throes of passion, there is a scent for you.

Tiberius - For those with a cavalier attitude to diplomacy and a winning smile, this is the cologne for you. “Citron zest, black pepper and cedar create refreshingly clear top notes, layered over a wooded, spicy scent.” It’s quite possible all that slashfic about Kirk and Spock stemmed from one raised eyebrow at the scent of Tiberius wafting through the bridge.

Red Shirt – For when you’re just dying to wear something eye catching. Be a target for attention, and certain death, with this deliciously foolhardy scent.  A combination of “green mandarin, bergamot and hints of lavender…with base notes of leather and grey musk” this could be your ticket to love, adventure and promotion! I mean, bridge crew wear red shirts now. Really!

Pon Farr – For the ladies, and those few others who identify with being calm, logical and infinitely superior intellects, there is this fascinating scent. “Light top notes of citrus, blackcurrant, water lily and lotus blossom are complemented by base notes of sandalwood, peach and mulberry.” Definitely something to hint at in your next mind meld with your significant other. Who knows, maybe you too will be able to come to a mutually beneficial arrangement wherein the you can express your unending commitment to the principles of the union. (I bags Tuvok.)

Limited Edition: KHAAANN! – What can I say about this one? Guaranteed to make your yells of pleasure defy the laws of space? So heady, the urge to bear your chest in manly displays will be nigh on impossible to resist? So powerful, you’ll need to destroy an entire planet just to get the smell from your imagination? I’d talk about what’s in it (ambergris!) but who gives a shit what it smells like, JUST GET IT. Don’t make me kill your only son (that you know about).

I eagerly await the release of Riker - a gutpunching hit of well-groomed, balls-to-the-face manliness; Neelix - a slightly fruity scent with an undertone of pedophilia; and Chekov – cute accents with an explosive tactical advantage over the opposite sex.

Available here at Genki Wear

He's been in training for a while now

Here’s a neat little bit of information, fresh off the Twitterverse.  Ex-wunderkind and all around awesome guy Wil Wheaton says he’ll be squaring up against 360 users in an upcoming Game With Fame.  Here’s his tweet:

Hey 360 gamers: I’m playing Magic: The Gathering during Game With Fame on the 14th. Details forthcoming, when I actually have them.

-wilw, card shark

For anybody who doesn’t know Wil Wheaton, he’s probably most famous for being Wesley Crusher (child genius) from Star Trek: The Next Generation.  So if you’re considering joining in on this Game With Fame session, you’d better watch yourself, Wil has all the card game practice he’ll ever need after hanging out with Commander Riker for five seasons or so.

As Wil says, there are no official detail yet, but I’m sure if you follow him on Twitter he’ll let you know when there are.  And as an added incentive, he’s hilarious.

Well it’s that time of the year again, folks.  Yes, it’s November, or as it’s been better known for the last five years or so in Australia: ‘Movember.  Movember is a very special time where men from all walks of life band together to raise money for men’s health.  How?  By growing themselves a bad-ass moustache.

Now traditionally I’ve never been fantastic at acquiring facial hirsuitness, by over the past few years (you know, that special time in a man’s life when he reaches the tender mid-twenties) my stubble has become more and more prominent.  So where as in previous years I may have heartily cheated by beginning to grow my mo’ in June and sculpting the results in October, this year we’re going the whole hog.

Or perhaps I might say the whole Boqrat, because to make up for my previous lack of honour, soup-strainer-wise, my moustache this year will be modelled on none other than everyone’s favourite short-tempered Chief of Security: Lieutenant Worf from Star Trek: The Next Generation.  Here’s what we’re working with:

As of today, I’ve shaved off my usual “because it’s easier than shaving” facial accoutrement, leaving my chin chilly and upper lip bereft of honour.  From here, I’m going to be growing a traditional “reverse Hitler” or “catfish” style moustache, which is to say something quite akin to Worf’s set-up only without the snazzy goatee (and pointy forehead).

My ugly mug will be updated every couple of days in the sidebar to show off any progress I’m making, in what we’re dubbing: Movember: From Bad To Worf.  Alternate names included: Klingon For Dear Life, Stroll Along The Worf, Always Darkest Before The Dorn and Facial Hair Before Hegh’bat.

What’s the point of all this?  Well the entire idea for Movember was cooked up here in our home town of Melbourne.  Here’s a snip from the “About” page:

The idea for Movember came about in 2003 when a few mates were having a beer in a small bar in Fitzroy, Melbourne. Inspired by the women’s health movement, it was recognized that men were lacking a way to engage and actively involve themselves in their own health. During a conversation about fashion and past trends, the idea came up to bring the moustache back for one month, and in doing so, have some fun, raise a small amount of money and hopefully encourage men to talk about their health with each other.

You can read more about Movember over on the official site, but suffice to say that I’m simply looking to raise awareness of the event, and hopefully get a few people to donate during the month.  All donations from Movember go towards men’s health organisations around the world, so if you do have a few spare dollars I’d urge you to donate.

Apart from that, it’s just damn good fun, ain’t it?

Check for updates throughout the month in Armchair Diplomat’s sidebar to see just how the mo’ growing is going!  And here are some official Movember links:

Donate to Matt. Regain his facial honour!
Movember Worldwide (donate in your own country!)
Movember Australia
The Movember Foundation

And for those with the time and inclination, you can also:

Digg this sucker up a notch

For anyone who’s interested in participating in the closed beta of Cryptic Studio’s upcoming MMO Star Trek Online, applications to join have now been opened up to the public.  People who signed up to Champions Online (Cryptic’s other new MMO) are already pre-approved for beta participation, to the best of my knowledge, but anyone else who wants to give it a go can now send in their details.

In the "prime" timeline, everyone should sport a Riker beard

The game will take place several years after the destruction of Romulus, in what’s referred to as Star Trek’s “prime” timeline (that is to say, the timeline where all the good stuff happened, and there is no gratuitous lens flare).  Players can ally themselves with either Starfleet or their on-again-off-again enemies the Klingons.  The game promises a high level of customisation, not only to your individual character, but also to the starship you pilot.  Thought the Enterprise-B kicked the Enterprise-E’s butt?  By all means, begin your unlicenced knock-offery!

Star Trek Online has been gaining a lot of interest lately, so much so that I think I might send my own details in to try for beta access.  But one question plagues me: are we all going to be able to have Riker beards in this game?

If the answer is yea, then you’ve probably sold your game to both me and my wife, Cryptic!

Head on over to enter your details, if you’d like to apply for beta access.

Here’s a series of one line summaries about the new Star Trek:

• It’s hard to imagine a more brilliant cast cast of dazzling actors to really make this story shine out brightly in the Star Trek universe.
• At a time where some movies can be a little hard on the eyes, the new Star Trek really provides a very polished production for the viewer.
• It has our nostalgia glands ablaze.
• That said, newcomers to the franchise will find this movie illuminating without overwhelming them with glaring references to the previous shows.
• It’s obvious that J.J. Abrams and crew have gone all out to provide a very glossy movie experience.
• The dialogue left me with a big beaming smile on my face.
• Abrams really showed off his creative flare (spelling deliberate) in this film.

If you noticed the constant element amongst the previous statements, you’ve also managed to notice the element which impeded my enjoyment of this film. (more…)