I'm looking forward to Patapon 3, Alot!

This week’s new releases are brought to you by that most mythical of beasts – the Alot, a perfect pet for grammar nazis and people who never graduated the second grade alike.

When you’ve finished working out whether or not you like this Alot more, you could mosey on down to your local games store where the following games should be appearing on the shelves this week:

• Dodge Racing: Charger v Challenger (December 16, Wii)
• Speed (December 16, Wii)
• Nickelodeon Fit (December 17, Wii)
• Patapon 3 (December 17, PSP)
• Tangled (December 17, DS)
• Battlefield: Bad Company 2 Vietnam (December 19, PC)

Remember when Billie Joe had really cool hair?

Harmonix is one of those developers that always seems to have made the right moves when it comes to their games. When they originally split from the Guitar Hero franchise and started Rock Band, they put a lot of thought into their product, introducing both the vocal and drum tracks into the music genre. They focused on bringing both quality and upcoming artists to their track lists, and built an expansive library of downloadable content that worked across multiple titles in the Rock Band series.

You’ve always been able to describe them as Guitar Hero‘s more mature older sibling. While Guitar Hero was releasing disc after disc of band or genre themed full retail titles, Rock Band continued to support it’s core titles with optional track packs and community events. And when Harmonix did decide to release a band-themed stand alone title, The Beatles: Rock Band, they put so much effort into making it a unique experience that the result was one of the most critically acclaimed music games of all time.

Which is why I’m a little bit disappointed this week as I play my way through Green Day: Rock Band, Harmonix’s second band-themed stand alone title, and surely the low-light of their development career to date.

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The article title rhymes!

Let’s just get it out there: I’m not a puzzle gamer. They just shit me, I get frustrated and tend to start throwing things; keyboards, tantrums, etc.  But after picking up World of Goo as part of the Humble Indie pack, I’ve been secretly playing it whenever I can.

World of Goo is really quite good. The premise is simple: a bunch of goo balls need to get to the pipe leading to the next level. They can do this by building structures (bridges, towers) by joining to each other, and there’s different types of balls to play with (oh grow up!). Some are single-use: they can be placed in a structure, and that’s it. Others let you dismantle the structure at your whim, others stick to surfaces, others are like water and will ‘drip’.

It can be a bloody hard game at points. Unlike other bridge or structure building games, the goo balls have an amount of flexibility, so if the structure isn’t as strong as it needs to be, it will bend, flex and topple. And naturally, some levels have hazards that must be avoided: spikes, blades, and a range of other sharp pointy things. All of which will burst your goo balls, rendering your lovely bridge a little less structurally sound.

The difficulty of levels is a little inconsistent. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as the alternating challenge means you get to do simple, fun levels in between the incredibly tricky ones. There are also a good selection of challenges to overcome. Some focus on structural integrity, building a large bridge in as few ‘blobs’ as possible or building a huge tower that, if you don’t place your goo balls properly, will send your tower toppling over. Others require very little building, relying on timing and simple shapes to get through the level.

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It's wall bustingly good!

It is with a sad heart that Matt and I must announce that our band, The Afternoon Frolics, is breaking up.  We had a whirlwind time recording 5 albums and doing countless world tours since the creation of the band in mid-January.  Unfortunately, when living in close proximity with one another certain facts cannot be overlooked.  For us, it was that Matt, as band leader, refused an octopus the right to be our drummer.  I found this unacceptable and we have agreed to go our separate ways.  However, more about the break up of what many people referred to as “a modern day Herman’s Hermits” later.  Now it’s time for me to talk to you about what made our career possible: LEGO Rock Band.

Let me start by saying that I am a huge fan of the Rock Band series.  Anyone that read what I wrote about it in our countdown of the best games of the previous decade would know my feelings about Harmonix and it’s rock creation.  From the outset they put out a strong product that showed that they were serious about what they were doing.  All the while LEGO had been turning it’s hand to games with the creation of the LEGO Star Wars and LEGO Indiana Jones thanks to the fine people at Traveller’s Tales. Harmonix, most likely to compete in the family friendly Wii market, teamed up with TT Fusion to create a LEGO rock spectacular.  Apparently only half of those at TT Fusion were on board with the concept, who wanted to make sure they “weren’t just skinning one franchise on another”.  Once their fears were allayed production was begun in late 2008, with release in November 2009.

And apparently we’re so lazy that we only bothered to pick it up in 2010.

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Apologies for having to step over the giant gap in this series on the way in, gentle reader, but it’s been a troublesome time for bizarre Wii controllers.

You see, no matter what hilariously unlikely idea I seem to think up, it turns out fact is stranger than ficton.  For instance, efforts to mock up a bicycle controller turned out to be true, much to my chagrin, along with replica machine guns.  Hell, even a galaxy far, far away has managed to churn out a few space sidearms for our peripheral crazy consumers.

So it’s been a little challenging to find something new to patent, so I moved on to a long list of non-mainstream “sports” for inspiration.  After a little aimless browsing, I managed to hit pay dirt … or so I thought.  Read on for the latest installment in our Wii controller patent applications, and then join my lament!

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In case you're wondering, YES, the game is about sword-wielding cowboys

“You are the last remaining member of a clan that called themselves “The Protectors”. Slain by a fellow clan, calling themselves “The Jackals”, you found your way to safety and now hunt them down for vengeance. You are The Swordsman and you are all that is man!“

I wish that this had been the description of the game given by Ubisoft Paris, but instead they chose to surrender to the press conference and then eat some cheese.

At the “recent” iDef Expo I got my hands on a preview of Red Steel 2, part of the Ubisoft stall. Looking at this game it seemed to check off most of my likes: a Wii game with ninja’s and a slightly cowboy feel. At first glance one would think that this was a video game version of Sukiyaki Western Django (an absolutely boss movie, for all of you out there unaware of it’s brilliance) but it’s not. It’s Wii’s cell-shaded sequel that seems to have made changes for the better. I say that tentatively … tentatively!

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The Ballad of Gay Tony has made some strange artistic choices.

Yet another nugget of pure unadulterated gold that made itself available at iDEF.  WayForward have created what they call a “re-imagining” of the classic NES title, A Boy and His Blob: Trouble on Blobolonia, with A Boy and His Blob for Wii. WayForward’s director, Sean Velasco, felt that it was “a title whose time had come to be re-imagined.” Alright, we get it, re-imagined not remade!

For those of you that missed out on this 1989 gem, here’s a basic rundown of the story.  The world of Blobolonia is under threat by an evil emperor who has nothing but bad intentions.  The blob then makes a quick sojourn to earth to get the boy to help.  You play as the boy and, using various jellybeans, dictate the shape that the blob takes in order to help you with puzzles.  The blob can take on the form of a trampoline, ladder, parachute etc.  Working your way through each level you then fight a boss and advance all the way up.  Pretty standard.

The 2009 version uses the exact same story as the original.  I have to give props to WayForward for not messing with a winning formula.  There was the potential for them to go crazy and make it 3D with the blob having a french accent and Greedo shooting first, but they didn’t.  They stuck with a classic 2D puzzle platformer and it has paid dividends!

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Dancing?  Check.  Accurately dressed representations of the period?  Check.  A video of Matt and I making fools of ourselves at iDEF while checking it out?  Double check!

At the recent iDEF convention (whilst feeling physically ill at their representation of F1 racing) Matt and I wandered over to the Ubisoft stand, which was pretty much central to the whole expo.  Being habitual trouble-makers, we saw the potential for some fun.  It was Ubisoft’s Just Dance, which was being manned by some very bored (and very tanned!) models.  I turned to Matt, he saw the pleading in my eyes and gave a nod of ascent.  We then marched ourselves onto the underlit disco-style floor and took up our positions.  After an extremely short tutorial Matt and I were thrown head first into MC Hammer telling us that we Can’t Touch This.  I would love to tell you that it was at this point that Matt and I decided to throw down and school everyone regarding dancing … unfortunately it was not to be. (more…)

F1 2009 for Wii, not as shit as you've heard ...

This article was originally going to be called “Wii-ing on my dreams of an F1 game worth playing”, but Matt made me simplify.  Curse you, editorial control!

In 1912, Franz Reichelt jumped from the Eiffel Tower to demonstrate his parachute overcoat. Let’s just say things didn’t quite go to plan, and there were no follow up inventions by Mr. Reichelt. Not even knowing this could take away from the sheer stupidity of Formula 1 2009 on the Wii.

I’m not new to F1 racing games on a Nintendo console, having wasted many hours on F1 Pole Position 64, which I believe was a problem. Playing F1 2009, I felt that I was playing that exact same game that was released a dozen years ago. During one of my many trips into the wall, I noticed that the animation on the surrounding trees had not changed. They were animated as if 2 pieces of paper had be intersected one on top of the other. I recall a similar set up for a Year 5 project I did. Add to this the fact that as soon as you gain a decent amount of speed (taking into account that these are F1 cars, so that isn’t very long) the scenery becomes pixelated and blocky. Considering what else was on offer at the expo, this lack of effort regarding the scenery was painfully obvious. This doesn’t seem like a major issue, but it really does distract from the game play.

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It seems while the focus of most gaming accessories seems to be on entertainment, there are still a few companies who are willing to put the time and effort into producing console versions of household tools.

This week’s new controller patent, developed by “top scientific minds”, continues this lesser known tradition in housework simulation. Care to get in touch with your inner maid?

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