Proof!

Well. The end of the first week.

It’s been a trial of sorts. And a lot of jogging. But not necessarily bad.

So, the background: I bought a Wii a week ago, and decided to set an experiment. The rules for this are simple:

1. Using the WiiFit, I’d do 30 minutes a day.
2. Every day, I’d measure my weight (using the built in Body Test).
3. Try and clean up my diet a little (cutting out the ridiculously bad foods… but nothing too taxing).
4. Chart the results.

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This week’s controller patent is designed to simplify your life.  Let’s face it, life is complex enough when not only do you have to keep yourself in shape, but apparently your pets too.  You’re a young, hip Wii owner who needs something to help you with your busy, on-the-go gaming style.

Since the dawn of technology, human beings have been looking for a way to make their hands redundant.  For example, before the invention of the wheel it’s widely accepted ^{[citation needed]} that man walked on his hands, giving him terrible callouses.  Similarly, it’s known that a lot of human beings begin life deaf, but later chose to hear because sign language is such a terrible strain on the wrists.  Well in that vein, this controller extender means that you may never need your hands to talk again.

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Okay, here’s the lowdown. My house bought a Wii. With Wiifit. We also bought Mini Ninjas, the new Harry Potter game, and Link’s Crossbow Training.

Now after Matt has gotten blind drunk for science, I too must put myself through grief and pain in the name of Armchair Diplomat. Hence I offer unto you, our readers, a story; me putting myself through an exercise regime and writing about it.

I’m planning to do the following. Consider this a manifesto, perhaps…

The device in question.

1. I will do approx. 30 minutes of WiiFit a day. I’ll mix up the different activities (yoga, balance games, cardio, and muscle).
2. If I find 30 minutes not enough, I’ll do more as I see fit. But 30 mins at a minimum.
3. I may mix in a little WiiSports, but to be honest, only the boxing game will offer any cardio work. So maybe some of that.
4. In 2 months, I’d like to lose 10kg. That is just over a kilo a week. Achievable? I think its 1.3-1.4 kg a week.
5. In case I cannot achieve 1.4kg a week, I am happy to extend it to three months (still putting me in time for summer).

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Here’s another new patent application for our series of new Wii controllers, fresh off the drafting board (read: the A5 scrap paper I stole from work).

This week, other Wii controller developers have been targeting the music game genre, but we’ve taken a different tack.

People love sports games, right? EA have proven this to us time and time again. But people also like a sense of danger to make things that little bit more exciting, right? Well that’s what we’re aiming aim with this new patent application:

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EB Games - We release aHEAD of the competition!

Looks like we’re the country to live in if you like to buy your games pre-release.

Reports from Vooks, only collaborated by the online store itself, have shown us that Dead Space: Extraction is already on sale at EB Games here in Australia.

With just a quick phone around, I managed to find myself a copy at the Melbourne Central outlet here in Victoria.  The salesman was happy to reserve me a copy off the shelves.  Now if I only had a Wii to play it on.

The sales assistant couldn’t really explain why it was on sale before it’s official date, only that it had arrived early and was therefor on shelves.  So at this point we’re not exactly sure who’s behind the early release, but the game being out today puts it a whopping week and a half in front of the North American release of the title.  That’s to say nothing of being apparently two and a half months ahead of the official Australian release date of December 1st.

So all we can say is if you’re interested, do the ring around and be quick about it, before someone realises the monumental cock-up they’ve made.

Thanks Vooks for the heads up!

Another installment into our collection of Nintendo Wii controller patent applications.

It’s frustrating, isn’t it, the way not only does Nintendo seem to feel the need to package every game with a new piece of plastic, but that sometimes they can even make those pieces of plastic obsolete?

Well luckily we only research and develop the most sensible controller ideas, and we’re sure you’re going to love this week’s submission. It caters to the potential green-thumb in all of us. Care to take a look?

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So over the last little while we’ve seen some rather … shall we say interesting patent applications coming out of Nintendo.

While we’re all kind of getting used to the idea of having a controller add-on for every single game released on the Wii, some of the most recent have just been getting plain old stupid. Here for example is the patent application for the Wii-mote Squishy Football controller. Even crazier, here’s the application for the Inflateable Wiimote Saddle controller.

But why stop there? There are just so many other things that we can slot a Wiimote into, and to this end I proudly present part one in a continuing series: New Nintendo Controller Patent Applications! Fancy a chilling look into the future?

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Like a thousand voices cried out at once, and were then silenced...

After building us up over the weekend, it turns out that LucasArts’ big secret reveal for this week is adding the classic Super Nintendo Star Wars games to Wii’s Virtual Console collection. Super Star Wars, Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back and Super Star Wars: Return of the Jedi will all be available over the coming weeks for 800 Wii points each. Oh, don’t forget to add a whole bunch of trademark and registered symbols to that last sentence, people playing along at home.

Now that’s all well and good, but when are we going to get to the real issues here, LucasArts? If that IS your real name? If we’re going to be milking old Star Wars franchise games, why aren’t we milking X-Wing Vs TIE Fighter yet? I’d let myself get heavily gouged for a working copy of that game, easy.

At this rate, we’re probably going to see the god-awful Rebel Assault before any classic X-Wing action!

In other news, a tourist, lost in the wilderness for a year or so, has been confirmed deceased today.  The tourist, known only as Guitar Hero’s Artistic Direction, was confirmed dead by sad news.  Family are said to be “indifferent” to their loss.

In other news, well, we’re still going to buy it, so who cares?  Not Activision’s accountants, certainly.

How do they fit nineteen necromorphs behind one barrel anyway?

Nice little heads up from TVG Blog with the developer’s diary from Dead Space: Extraction.  The video shows off around three minutes of gameplay, including how the game works with it’s puzzles and combat.

It shaping up nicely, but looks like it’s a waaaay different kind of game to the original Dead Space.  Where as the first was described as “Resident Evil in space”, Extraction looks more “Virtua Cop in space”.  I suppose there is a precedent in Resident Evil: Survivor, at least.

It’s a first person shooter, utilising the Wii-mote and nunchuck.  The video shows co-op puzzle solving, where one player has to complete a puzzle while the other player covers them.  And at certain points, the players swap roles.  I’m really not certain how that works, you know, realistically, but it’s a good attempt to accentuate co-op gameplay.

Plus you hold your Wii-mote on it’s side to active alt-fire.  Because it just looks cooler.

RELOAD. RELOAD. RELOAD. Shoot outside the screen to reload! RELOAD.